The ties being relatively elusive
there being nothing in the offensive at the face
apparently they were repulsive in behaviour
going through the intensive interaction.
The filial relations not very helpful.
The parental love not there to fulfil.
being left alone by the entire regime
had to cope with struggle in the interim.
The travail being beyond the capacity
having to negotiate with a dedication
life being a challenge definitely
living up to the standard proved an impossibility.
The image of impeccable dignity pressing
somehow managed to get along in life
with not borrowed money to balance
but keeping a moderation of life style in reference.
Living so within modest means all through
succeeded in climbing through the ordeal truly
with that came the disappearance of deficit
as the surplus slowly made way with a smile.
Disappearance of Deficit
Re: Disappearance of Deficit
Meenas---
i think you hit a poetic as well as economic vein here:
The image of impeccable dignity pressing
somehow managed to get along in life
with not borrowed money to balance
but keeping a moderation of life style in reference.
Living so within modest means all through
succeeded in climbing through the ordeal truly
with that came the disappearance of deficit
as the surplus slowly made way with a smile.
is these lines above I scent a human person, buffeted by winds of both change and confusion.
bernie
i think you hit a poetic as well as economic vein here:
The image of impeccable dignity pressing
somehow managed to get along in life
with not borrowed money to balance
but keeping a moderation of life style in reference.
Living so within modest means all through
succeeded in climbing through the ordeal truly
with that came the disappearance of deficit
as the surplus slowly made way with a smile.
is these lines above I scent a human person, buffeted by winds of both change and confusion.
bernie
-
SivaRamanathan
- Posts:1168
- Joined:14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Disappearance of Deficit
meenas
Welcome to the group.
I think your lines are archaic and you have a round about way to tell a simple thing. I am hoping this is the only poem you have in this style.I also find a lot of gerunds.And your attempt to painstakingly rhyme is quite laborious.
The only one line that is a silver lining is,'as the surplus slowly made way with a smile.'It made me smile too.
Siva
Welcome to the group.
I think your lines are archaic and you have a round about way to tell a simple thing. I am hoping this is the only poem you have in this style.I also find a lot of gerunds.And your attempt to painstakingly rhyme is quite laborious.
The only one line that is a silver lining is,'as the surplus slowly made way with a smile.'It made me smile too.
Siva
Re: Disappearance of Deficit
It could just your style but I find I can't take to it, but then I also don't like most of Michael's poems because he likes short poems. Because of your style I cannot help much or give any concrete advise, It could be you are very gifted but i cannot see it yet.