the saint

[Billy]

the saint

in treatment
there was a man with double
addictions
drugs and bulimia

he was as thin as a breeze
one barely feels
yet he fretted

complained that his body
was atrocious
bloated and ugly

he would slip into his room
devour a cookie
spend hours in the bathroom

his place to let go
of what he didn't have
and never would

a perfect body

[Bernie01]

B---


shotgun clear.

sure like this image---

he was as thin as a breeze
one barely feels


good poem.


bernie

[Kenneth2816]

Billy. I don't find this very engaging and certainly not on par with most of the work you do.

It's too predictable.

[SOriz211]

Billy, nice poem. I did bump one time, it was the line breaks


he was as thin as
a breeze one barely feels
yet he fretted

this reads better to me

sergio

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Billy,

typo: "their" should be there

I'm not sure about the title - are you meaning ascetic?  self-induced asceticism / purging

perhaps that last line is the title

I like the poem - good form to function - I see (below) that it can be thinner, and etc..     Michael (MV)


"a perfect body"

in treatment was a man
with double addictions
drugs and bulimia

thin as a breeze

one barely feels
yet he fretted
that his body
was bloated and ugly

he would slip into his room
devour a cookie
spend hours in the bathroom

letting go
of what he didn't have
and never would

 
 
 

[BobBradshaw]

Excellent ending....enjoyed a lot

[SivaVelliangiri]

I like the brevity of this poem.

S

[Billy]

Thanks bernie, always nice to have you like a poem since you usually dig deep and tell it like you see it. Thanks Kenneth, sorry it didn't work for you. Sergio, thanks, but I like the break from breeze to the more defining one barely feels. Thanks Michael, I like the title and the final line. I do want to use "devour", much better. Thanks Bob, yeah i'm keeping the ending. Thanks Siva, did you like the poem or were you glad it was short b/c you were glad it was over. LOL