Goldback Fern

[BobBradshaw]

v2:

Goldback Fern


Under bay laurels we looked up
at insects flitting

through a lemony light.
In the distance sunlit clouds

brushed the grassy hills blond,
the way the goldback fern's underside

leaves behind a yellow dusting.
You pressed one against my jeans,

a golden handprint on my right thigh.
We lingered, hiking slowly,

the moist fingers of ferns
stroking our wrists,

our arms. With narrow trails
I found easy excuses to brush

against you, carrying your scent
home with me.

v1:
Goldback Fern


Under bay laurels we looked up
at insects flitting

through a lemony light.
In the distance sunlit clouds

brushed the grassy hills blond,
the way the goldback fern

leaves behind a yellow dusting.
You pressed one against my jeans,

a golden handprint on my right thigh.
We lingered, hiking slowly,

the moist fingers of ferns
stroking our wrists,

our arms. With narrow trails
I found easy excuses to brush

against you, carrying your scent
home with me, my nerves

flitting, excited, eager
to touch you.

[Bernie01]

Bob---

how to toughen this, make a reverie without giving away our manhood/sisterhood.

want to experiment?

no, is a fine answer. but yes, well, right this way.


introduce food, maybe.

Under bay laurels
we munched a hibiscus sandwich

lemon (as specific as we can when we can) light
In the distant clouds

grassy hills turned blond,
the way of goldback ferns

leaves behind a yellow dusting.
You pressed one against my jeans,


these two lines, unclear to me, she pressed what? a leaf---or a breast...or...?
omit, for now, these two verses...



now, the X rated observations from the poet....


a golden handprint on my right thigh.
(i like the specificity of that "right thigh.")

we hiked without destination.




the moist fingers of ferns
stroking our wrists,





I found easy excuses to brush you
and take your scent home with me.


Even now, I fill with a joy
recalling that afternoon in Valhalla.




Elysium

Canaan

Eden

etc...


Bob, have i presumed too much on our professional friendship? if so, just tell me to F off....i have this deep flaw....i love poetry and have never met a poem i don't enjoy poking my nose into.
but you have my guts on this one.

bernie

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Bernie, for your suggestions. I will play some. The underside of the goldback fern leaves a golden handprint when you press it against your clothes.

[BobBradshaw]

Of course you haven't 'presumed too much' on our friendship....I appreciate your help and enthusiasm...anytime...please

[Cosmo888]

Frank, your poem today has those human elements---distance, an over powering and undeniable act of mass criminality, and senseless violence.
joker123 918kiss

[FrankDire]

I had to read this several times to fully
appreciate the poem Bob. Not for anything lacking in the poem
it was so different from your normal work.
I looked up the pentagramma trianglaris plant, found in California
and North West America. It loves shady parts of the forest
and thrives on the slopes of hardwood forests. Wikki
didn't state that it leaves a handprint when pressed,
we need poets for that.

I don't like to contradict anyone else on this, they have their own
styles and that's okay too, but I though this was just about finished.
You could take up some suggestions, but not if they significantly
change the mood of the poem. The mood is gentle throughout
and the way the fern is explained is sensitive, almost feminine.

I also liked the ay you introduce other trees, insects, and especially
you caught the growing areas by explaining how light filters through
as in lemony light, then change scene to distant clouds
S3 is a brilliant line, I loved it. I know deciduous forests well
and this strophe is just about perfect.

I don't think you need any more details of human interaction than what is alluded to
I think that balance is right, spot on.

Dare I say you could end on:
'carrying your scent home with me.'

Because it is a quiet poem about the fern, I feel flitting, eager, excited
is not what the poem is about. Your choice.

best wishes

Frank by any other name is just Frank.

[BobBradshaw]

I like your suggestion, Frank....I'll go with it for now...thx, Bob

[FranktheFrank]

I am thinking IBPC with this poem Bob
unless you have another preference.

[Bernie01]

Bob---

the HEE-MAN pom is here:

our arms. With narrow trails
I found easy excuses to brush

against you, carrying your scent
home with me.

i blush, i envy the intimacy here.

alas, no flitting need apply. that makes me blush for another reason.



bernie

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Frank... any nom would be great... really appreciate it...
I’m thinking of sending ‘Missing Sock’ out...any suggestions?

[FrankDire]

After reading Bernie's reply I am
ashamed I never said those thing
the way he did, I felt them in your poem
but could not explain why.

Okay Bob, I will nominate this one for this month,
I really don't know the best to send Missing Sock to,
I rarely send out anything these days, so many dead ends
and empty mailboxes.

I see you have published 8 or more in Autumn Sky Poetry daily.

Really at a loss, I prefer Goldback Fern to Missing Sock for this month
that's all I can say.

[RWCJames]

Bob - A refreshing piece - aside from the tender and sensuous content, I like aspects of the form - how lines travel that open space - one stanza to the next, supplying a pause. You have a firm handle on the interaction of human and natural environs. Enjoyed this - RC

[BobBradshaw]

Frank, thanks so much...I appreciate the nom
RWC, Bernie - I’m very pleased by your comments...best

[FranktheFrank]

I still think this is your best out of a very good month for you Bob
I will nominate it in the official thread right now.

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks!!!!!