Deluge Of Reality

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meenas17
Posts: 801
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Deluge Of Reality

#1 Post by meenas17 » 03 May 2021, 21:37

A shower like rain
enliven the dawn.
Cool and pleasant
the garden appears
fresh and lively.

The droplets on the flowers
glitter like diamond,
the leaves shine
as emerald, emanating
a soft silky reflection.

As if in a trance
I stand all the while
holding to the gate without
opening, with the keys.
The paper boy

throws the papers
with a force the papers
strike me on the cheeks,
I shudder, take a step backward,
with that to the mundane.

I start hearing the car horns,
the street vendors calls,
and in motors the milkman
with his pail. Deluge of reality
devastates the illusion, I mumble.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1347
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Deluge Of Reality

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 04 May 2021, 03:34

I think I get where you want to go but I think it reads flat '"shower like rain", "glitter like diamond" are example of what I mean. As written, I find it hard to be engaged.

meenas17
Posts: 801
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Deluge Of Reality

#3 Post by meenas17 » 04 May 2021, 09:44

Thanks, Ken.
try to make it engaging.
meenas17

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