Camille at Asile de Montdevergues

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FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea
Camille at Asile de Montdevergues

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 13 Mar 2018, 15:01

Ekphrastic: Camille Claudel (1915) a 2013 French biographical film written and directed by Bruno Dumont.
The film premiered in competition at the 63rd Berlin International Film Festival.

I am the only genius in this family.
Paul Claudel.

Camille sits eating on a bench, still attractive
despite the bleakness of the asylum, with black
sleek hair. Her bone structure fine and noble.

She is kind to the inmate who makes gurgling, sucking
sounds and leads her gently back inside. She takes
up pen and ink to draw, but it is too much for her.

She cries in disappointment, then returns to her room
to pray. The spirit of her aborted child hangs over her,
a spectre of decay. She harbours the hurt of Auguste's

betrayals, that he signed her work as his and copied it.
He cannot shake off his petite bourgeois puritanism,
he censors her work: The Mature Age, he declares

her dissolute. She cannot forget his rejection,
what had been pure he has discarded as a filthy rag.
He cannot concede that women have sexual desires,

the monstrous phallus of her amazing statue of three
is just too much for him. Achille Debussy sought to woo her,
Camille told me: "After Rodin, I lost all interest in men."

She was faithful herself, gave unconditional love. Debussy
had hoped his: Clair de Lune would seal his attempt
to win her, for Camille there was just one love, her first.

Jessie, her dear friend said, I visit when I can,
she is as sane as you and I. She has adjusted
to the cruelty of her family who have sectioned

her to this place, yet is not at peace. She longs
for the purity of her youth, the barren winter trees,
the cleansing wind of home at Villeneuve-sur-Fère.

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Camille Claudel (1864-1943)

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Mar 2018, 21:58

I really like stanzas 5 and 6. There are some misspellings, and places where the language can be tightened. Overall you have a good character piece. Take out the last line...it is flat. The wind image would do fine as a closing.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camille Claudel (1864-1943)

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 17 Mar 2018, 10:35

Final version

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Apr 2018, 13:44

failed to insert a picture.

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 30 Apr 2018, 05:10

I love these lines, along with the lovely closing stanza:

Camille sits eating on a bench, still attractive
despite the bleakness of the asylum, with black
sleek hair. Her bone structure fine and noble.

She is kind to the lunatic who makes gurgling, sucking
sounds and leads her gently back inside. She takes
up pen and ink to draw, but it is too much for her.

She cries in disappointment then runs like a sparrow
to pray. The spirit of her aborted child hangs over her,
a spectre of decay. She harbours the hurt of Auguste's

betrayals, that he signed her work as his and copied it.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Nov 2023, 00:50

Image

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Nov 2023, 02:59

Again, just terrific work here… a moving portrait of a great and flawed artsy. I like the every bit of it.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 22 Nov 2023, 14:49

Thanks Bob. I didn't mean to post this, Bob.
It's can old one. But when I saw it again and read it I said
What the heck. I do enjoy reading it myself.

BobBradshaw
Posts:2701
Joined:03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 23 Nov 2023, 07:08

Great news, Ieuan. We’ll both share poems in the December issue!

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#10 Post by FranktheFrank » 23 Nov 2023, 17:25

Well done, Bob.

CalebMurdock
Posts:209
Joined:10 Dec 2023, 14:59

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#11 Post by CalebMurdock » 15 Dec 2023, 06:50

I'm inserting a few thoughts into the poem.
FranktheFrank wrote:
13 Mar 2018, 15:01
Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

I am the only genius in this family.
Paul Claudel.

Camille sits eating on a bench, still attractive
despite the bleakness of the asylum, with black
sleek hair. Her bone structure fine and noble.

She is kind to the lunatic who makes gurgling, sucking --[some readers might think "lunatic" an unnecessary judgement]
sounds and leads her gently back inside. She takes
up pen and ink to draw, but it is too much for her.

She cries in disappointment then runs like a sparrow --[do sparrows run, or just fly?]
to pray. The spirit of her aborted child hangs over her, --[a spirit would float more than hang, don't you think?]
a spectre of decay. She harbours the hurt of Auguste's

betrayals, that he signed her work as his and copied it.
He cannot shake of his petite bourgeois puritanism, -- [of = off]
he censors her work: The Mature Age, he declares

her dissolute. She cannot forget his rejection,
what had been pure he has discarded as a filthy rag.
He cannot concede that we too have sexual desires,

maybe the token phallus that swings between its legs --[who is "it"?]
is just too much for him. Achille Debussy sought to woo her,
she told me: "Jessie, after Rodin I lost all interest."

She was faithful herself, gave unconditional love. Debussy
had hoped his: Clair de Lune would seal his attempt
to win her, alas it was not to be. They remain friends --["it was not to be" sounds a little clichéd]

and so do we, true friends, I visit when I can,
she is as sane as you and I. She has adjusted
to the cruelty of her family who have sectioned

her to this place, yet is not at peace. She longs
for the purity of her youth, the barren winter trees,
the cleansing wind of home at Villeneuve-sur-Fère.
You seem to like narrative. I write a lot of narrative myself.

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camile at Asile de Montdevergues

#12 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Dec 2023, 13:59

Thanks, Caleb, good critique.
I may adjust, runs away vs hops away. I can't see her hopping though.
Lunatic is a lunatic is a lunatic, I'm not into woke. I may suffer for that.
I agree on the weak line 'alas not to be'
Who is it line, I did have a photograph of her sculpture of a huge black beast with and enormous penis which destroyed her life - I don't even think she was a lunatic.

This has been useful, Caleb, thanks again

FranktheFrank
Posts:1993
Joined:02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location:Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Camille at Asile de Montdevergues

#13 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Dec 2023, 15:09

I have edited, Caleb to meet with your observations.

CalebMurdock
Posts:209
Joined:10 Dec 2023, 14:59

Re: Camille at Asile de Montdevergues [edited to meet Caleb's concerns]

#14 Post by CalebMurdock » 15 Dec 2023, 20:58

I don't see myself as "woke" either (very much against it, in fact), but there are still words I don't use. I recently wrote a poem about a "retarded" man, and I used that word in the poem, but then I found out that "retarded" is now considered by the Woke as a slur. So, just to get it accepted, I substituted "autistic", which just happened to fit in perfectly. It wasn't accepted, so I've reinserted "retarded", and it will go into my first book that way (probably my only book, given my age).

Really, there is no substitute for the word "retarded", as it primarily means "very stupid with psychological issues". But the Woke also see "stupid" as a kind of slur.

Despite being gay, I am an anti-trans activist.

==========

Oh my! I just noticed you substituted "inmate" for "lunatic", despite what you said. Truly, it makes the poem sound more mature.

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