Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

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Billy
Posts: 1370
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

#1 Post by Billy » 12 Feb 2024, 20:45

Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

I wrote a note to my grandson.
He had asked me before he went to sleep
to write another one like I did the last time.

He likes the idea so much it's become
our beginning and end of the day
when he comes to visit: "Love you, Kahi,

I've gone to work, Papa." When I got home
he had written a note on the back
of mine immediately after reading it.

He left it on my computer desk
before his mom gathered him home:
"Love you, too, already miss you, Lokahi."

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2662
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 12 Feb 2024, 21:54

Ah. How sweet. I love grandkids. They’re the best.

CalebMurdock
Posts: 158
Joined: 10 Dec 2023, 14:59

Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

#3 Post by CalebMurdock » 13 Feb 2024, 04:55

I find myself wondering what's in these notes going back and forth -- you don't say that. The point seems to be that notes are being exchange, and the notes themselves represent a change in the relationship. I'd like it if you somehow made that a little more explicit.

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Billy
Posts: 1370
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

#4 Post by Billy » 13 Feb 2024, 05:11

Thanks, Bob
Caleb, I don't feel the need to explain what seems pretty apparent, maybe you need to read it again.

CalebMurdock
Posts: 158
Joined: 10 Dec 2023, 14:59

Re: Not Looking Forward To The Last Note

#5 Post by CalebMurdock » 13 Feb 2024, 15:23

When I first read the poem, I blipped over the title, which is brilliant. So these are just love notes going back and forth, the content of which isn't important? What's important is that you established a new and loving ritual with your grandson. I understood that, but I still think you could make the significance of this change in your relationship more explicit in the poem.

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