Homecoming (changed title)

[CalebMurdock]

Lost and Found

God is pleased to be mocked,
something not well understood,
for his greatest joy is in reunions,
those homecomings when his
rebellious sheep wander back
from their reckless ventures,
bleating about splendid lands,
of better meals to be had,
and making audacious demands,
but also remembering who
they are, from where they sprang,
anxious to taste once more
their Homeland. God listens
and loves, gives them a nudge,
and they wander off again.

☙

I'm not sure I've got the best name for this poem. Also, Jesus is usually thought of as the "good shepherd". I am putting God in that role in this poem -- but using that cliche may also make the poem seem unoriginal.

[BobBradshaw]

I like everything about this. Clever, polished. This has probably been workshopped before. There’s a nice flow to it.

[CalebMurdock]

Thank you, Bob -- that's very generous of you.

No, this was written a few days ago. I put it up on the other forum I participate in and got only one short comment that didn't tell me much. The poem reflects my religious views, though I won't bore you with them now.

One concern I had about the poem is that it would make more sense if I used "scorned" in the first line instead of "mocked", but you obviously picked up on my meaning. "Mocked" has the better sonics IMO.

[BobBradshaw]

Mocked is better. Your poems, like this one, are better when you employ one of your best strengths, your humor.

[CalebMurdock]

What a nice comment! Thank you!

This line ...

they are, from where they came,

... originally had "sprang" in place of "came". I inserted "came" because the K sound seemed to fit better, but "came" is a more ordinary word. Now I'm not sure.

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Caleb,

I haven't been around as much until this evening - I'm wanting to visit some before National Poetry Month 2024 finales -

And yours is the 1st I happen to read, being drawn to the title; and it was indeed a good one to come home to -

As I read it, the words/image "prodigal lambs" and "prodigal rams" came to mind - perhaps one of those 2 might make for a title? Especially since "homecoming" and "homeland" appear within these 15 lines which move with the artistic logic of an Italian sonnet, with the volta here being at the line:

"but also remembering who"

So workshop consider a period after "audacious."

and making audacious demands.
But also remembering who

I love the humor in the animation of "bleating about"


If we were doing the IBPC these days, I would be bleating about giving this one a nom-nod -- I mean ram






Michael (MV)

[CalebMurdock]

Michael, thank you so much for weighing in! I agree with your suggestion for the title. "Prodigal Lamb" is probably what I'll end up calling it. You have to understand that I'm not steeped in Christianity, as my parents weren't particularly religious, and so I haven't got all the lingo down pat. I did know what "prodigal" meant, but didn't realize it was perfect in this instance.

I'll consider your suggestion of a period. One of the things I enjoy doing in a poem is to see how far I can stretch the sentences.

If you've been travelling, I hope you had a good time.

[Michael (MV)]

Caleb,

I like this as a working title, too.

Yet, it might be more humorus to consider

"The Lost and Found"

^^ that is to imply that is where the prodigal found they ended up at - in "The Lost and Found"




Michael (MV)

[CalebMurdock]

Thank you, Michael. Let me consider the possibilities. I didn't go with "Prodigal" because it seemed too obvious for a religious poem (although "Homecoming" is obvious too). Naming a poem is usually easy, but this one is proving more difficult.

[CalebMurdock]

I'm raising this to the top because it seems to be the only way to communicate with anyone.

Michael is the owner of this site, isn't he? I think he is aware of the problem, but he's not doing anything. That being the case, there doesn't seem to be anything else to do -- the forum is now closed.

Does anyone know of any other forums?

Eratosphere is active, but the rules are stringent -- e.g., you must post a dozen or more critiques before you can post a poem of your own. Also, the critiques can be vicious.

Prole Art Threat has so few participants it is almost dead, and the owner is a crazy person who sometimes insults the members.

Pig Pen was shut for a while, having technical problems. The original owner died in 2020, and the forum is now owned by a control freak who deletes posts at will. There are also very few participants.

Poet Bay has a very controlling owner.

I can't remember why I washed out at The Waters, but I did.

There are other poetry critique forums out there, but they generally have few participants, or owners who are controlling or nutty. There are a lot of forums where the quality of the poetry is very poor (not at our level).

I'll keep looking.

Michael, where are you?

[CalebMurdock]

The site is looking less screwy now in September, but when I create a new thread, I still can't add any text or message. So for me, it isn't entirely fixed.