Waiting for life

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
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Posts: 1
Joined: 03 May 2013, 11:59

Waiting for life

#1 Post by hiddendeparture » 03 May 2013, 12:02

First submission

We sit here watching the clock;
Waiting for the week to pass us by.
Hours, Minutes, Seconds, Tick, Tick, tock;
Bored enough to watch paint dry.

If you live your life day by day;
Instead of counting every minute.
You'll see life in a better way;
By actually being in it.


Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: Waiting for life

#2 Post by FrankDyer » 13 May 2013, 15:43

I assume 'thoughts' at the end of the poem is not in fact part of the poem? And that you are eliciting our thoughts about your work. One thought came to my mind, the word 'banal'. It may be this is not the word you were looking for, but something tells me you expected it.

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