Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
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Posts: 33
Joined: 12 Feb 2013, 03:35


#1 Post by Woetrame » 29 May 2013, 01:06

I've seen some strange things posted in my time and I generally destroy them. This is likely my turn to be destroyed. I watched a 15 minute educational video and peeled it apart in real-time to create a 'poem' or at least a work of literature, that is raw and unedited. As a classical poem it is stillborn, but given that modern art has changed the way we paint, my question is - does this format have ANY poetic merit?


One has no nostalgia:
Major life transitions are advantageous
an advantageous plot
encoded in self identical bumps
positive the above
better than return
he wrote these lines of poetry
way back in perspective
this old man had a secret
babies respond to rhythms and chords
we respond to continuity
fuck people but respond similarly
learn not but fit in
alone we dance
sharing extreme skills from tone to fat
brain energy signals
cheese tastes good
cheese survives
but is unnecessary
acoustic cheese
at best an earworm
lasting longer than a woman or an idea
compete to fixate and resolve
a cognitive itch
supress your thoughts
you just lost the game
diverge effort
emote memories
those are our answers
atoms are memories
we are atoms
loss false participants
stories remembered falsely
billions of humans
born and died
in you and your ear
your atoms, your waves
the earth is a slow compression wave
a nice type of earworm to be

The video I commentated on is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coGfGmOeLjE

Obviously punctuation suffers and grammar goes out the window in this format, but the question remains, does it have any merit?

Should I pursue this?

Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Longplayer

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 03 Jun 2013, 20:48

This is automatic writing.You should edit it.

Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: Longplayer

#3 Post by FrankDyer » 05 Jul 2013, 18:32

Quite hopeless, the ramblings of a dysfunctional mind.

Posts: 33
Joined: 12 Feb 2013, 03:35

Re: Longplayer

#4 Post by Woetrame » 06 Jul 2013, 04:00

I am astounded.

This poem is wholly without any traditional merit, which I knew.

But I still love it.

Normally, I love, I post, it's slated, and I hate it.

Today... Not so much.

Very strange.

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