Automatic Writing on Silence.

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Automatic Writing on Silence.

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 03 Jun 2013, 20:47

The sisters of the Holy Angels,
sisters self imprisoned, self sacrificed,
in the alter of God, voluntarily.
Only some hear the calling
others flee the insecure world
and rush into cloisters;
confused, they go into retreat
hoping to find divine answers.
But a few follow the voice, lose
their own and immerse in this well of silence.
They carry this treasure
of the void, a communion closes in
and they wait every six months
for the bliss of retreat.
We too have our fasts.
`Silence fasts'.
I had an elderly uncle and aunt
who stayed in a hut,
and to the outsiders
they were simply
the swami and his wife;
yogi saffron and she Melmaruvathur red
though they did not turn down the marriage bed
they maintained a day's long silence.
They did not make action signals.
Truth is when they rode on the mobike
they wrote out the alphabets
on each other's back.
And Mariam, pious Muslim lady
who taught me the necessity
of prayer. silent talk with God.
Wash the face, but more important
clean well the mouth; gargle, rinse,
wash away the smell of food
and bow your head, kneel on a cushion
feel comfortable-now you are fit to invite
the kingdom of silence
feel each second with your breath
and rise, rise and before you raise
you will feel as light as after yoga.
So Mariam taught me to wash my mouth
before inviting silence.
The Jains wear a veil over their mouth.
they are austere;
their silence nurtures germs
they are life givers. But
an effortless silence can be achieved

only with death.

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Billy
Posts: 952
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Automatic Writing on Silence.

#2 Post by Billy » 03 Jun 2013, 23:50

I commented on this poem at another site. I really like it in general. I was confused a little by the sudden appearance of Mariam and then I think the MIriam which must be the same person. I guess that Mariam is a nun you knew. The light as a feather is cliche and needs something fresher. I really like the nuns, the alphabet at the backs, and the ending. I don't think you need death capitalized and I would eliminate universal and end on death.

Good poem. Don't edit too much. I like the simplicity of it and the narrative is interesting, holding my attention all the way through. There's a tinge of humor that is perfect.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Automatic Writing on Silence.

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 04 Jun 2013, 19:10

Billy
Thanks.for your suggestions.Can you please read this once more?

FrankDyer
Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: Automatic Writing on Silence.

#4 Post by FrankDyer » 05 Jul 2013, 18:41

I saw it as a comparison between he western way with nuns and their silence and the east with their swamis I though it could be made easier to read by paragraphing. Natural breaks when you have finished from the west and then make the comparison with the eats.
Silence is a pretty empty subject at best of times yet as usual you bring a new culture (to us anyway( into focus and so your ritng is more often than not interesting.

I wonder if your writing is as interesting to a Hindu living in India?

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