The Elm Tree

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
MarcusDaniels
Posts: 1
Joined: 12 Jun 2013, 04:46

The Elm Tree

#1 Post by MarcusDaniels » 12 Jun 2013, 04:48

The Elm Tree

The dead elm standing in the ground
No more such life ever to be found
Wanting, crying, to end the strife
But forever falls, no more such life

A single leaf, a glimmer of hope
Looking desperately, for chance to elope
But lone leaf does fall, for all branch left bare
It felt naked, small, consumed by despair

For the elm was but one, of a many trees decay
A vicious cycle, renewth on this day
In its place, a new tree. A different for the pair
There be sought a new love. A new feeling in the air

If only elm could but think, of what has come to pass
It died its own death, to be lied in the grass
From this a mighty oak or a balsa to grow
A new bond to be made. A new feeling to know

The elm was its own. Like many others it knew
It had its time while slowly it grew
But that time is now up, with endless uproar
But on the other hand, a new opening of a door

A friendship could be made. A foundation made of stone
For dear elm cannot grow here, so what lies be unknown
Though the sun will come out, no tell what lies in store
Don't close with the curtains. For now comes the encore

A new beginning. A new day. Yes. The elm was a tree
No bad ending. No bad day. No. Lest agony
The future holds dear for those that doth seek
But an end is quite certain for those of the weak

The dead elm standing in the ground
No more such life ever to be found
Wanting, crying, to end the strife
But forever falls, no more such life

Yes, prior does but seem be true
But gives a chance to start anew
The elm tree did not die in vain
A new journey unclear, but a new path lain

The wood from the earth, and the earth it return
No ax to be used. No fire to burn
The new cycle be made. Its control be with fate
Here lies the new start, and now we must wait......



"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
- Semisonic

FrankDyer
Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: The Elm Tree

#2 Post by FrankDyer » 05 Jul 2013, 18:31

Quite hopeless, and yet you tried. I will leave others to tell you how to do it.

IapCharon
Posts: 17
Joined: 13 Jul 2013, 06:08

Re: The Elm Tree

#3 Post by IapCharon » 13 Jul 2013, 07:31

Dear Marcus...

Methinks the poem we have here might be hard to salvage. That said, you may try working with some lines that stand out:

[The] Dead elm standing [in the ground
No more such life ever to be found
Wanting, crying, to end the strife
But forever falls, no more such life]

A single leaf, [a glimmer of hope
Looking desperately, for chance to elope
But lone leaf does fall, for all branch left bare
It felt] naked, small, consumed [by despair

[For the elm was but one, of a many trees decay
A vicious cycle, renewth on this day
In its place, a new tree. A different for the pair
There be sought a new love. A new feeling in the air

If only elm could but think, of what has come to pass
It died its own death, to be lied in the grass
From this a mighty oak or a balsa to grow
A new bond to be made. A new feeling to know

The elm was its own. Like many others it knew
It had its time while slowly it grew
But that time is now up, with endless uproar
But on the other hand, a new opening of a door

A friendship could be made. A foundation made of stone
For dear elm cannot grow here, so what lies be unknown
Though the sun will come out, no tell what lies in store
Don't close with the curtains. For now comes the encore

A new beginning.] (awaiting a new day). [Yes. The elm was a tree
No bad ending. No bad day. No. Lest agony
The future holds dear for those that doth seek
But an end is quite certain for those of the weak

The dead elm standing in the ground
No more such life ever to be found
Wanting, crying, to end the strife
But forever falls, no more such life

Yes, prior does but seem be true
But gives a chance to start anew
The elm tree did not die in vain
A new journey unclear, but a new path lain

The wood from the earth, and the earth it return
No ax to be used. No fire to burn
The new cycle be made. Its control be with fate
Here lies the new start, and now we must wait......]

My best. Iap

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”