Trunkshow   (for all seasons)

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Michael (MV)
Posts: 1621
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Trunkshow   (for all seasons)

#1 Post by Michael (MV) » 23 Jun 2013, 00:49

                  "Victorio's Secret"



my snug T
shirt hangs over
my shoulders and covers
my bare chest like a breastplate
& the cotton hugs
my chubby torso
like a lover


my boxer briefs
keep my bone
buried where ever
worn close in time
never left behind
the putting on


as familiar as taking off
as sensual as stripping
the top dog guarding
without bark or bite
my privates like a faithful underdog

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Trunkshow   (for all seasons)

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 23 Jun 2013, 05:09

Michael

Your 'minimalist' poems are posted only when they reach perfection.Enjoyed reading and also smiled at the undercurrent humour in it.

Siva

FrankDyer
Posts: 227
Joined: 17 May 2011, 06:28

Re: Trunkshow   (for all seasons)

#3 Post by FrankDyer » 05 Jul 2013, 18:35

It left me cold and shaken a little at a visual image of nakedness and hairs clinging to a mean body.

IapCharon
Posts: 17
Joined: 13 Jul 2013, 06:08

Re: Trunkshow   (for all seasons)

#4 Post by IapCharon » 19 Jul 2013, 00:10

Dear MV...

"Victorio's Secret" ...the title: good play, aligned with the overall tone, yet, going by the subject, alone, may be reconsidered for something like say The Guardians that may not prepare the reader in the same vein...besides, what the poem reveals is no secret in the same sense as Victoria's or for that matter, Roy Raymond's billion dollars in the bank...it appears to be more a rumination on the nuances of an everyday act - that peels slowly....on the body: found more than a few passive verbs....so, please consider...

my [snug] (cotton) T (shirt)
[shirt] (snugs into my bare)
[hangs over
my shoulders and covers
my bare] chest(,) like a breastplate
[& the cotton] hugs my chubby torso
[my chubby torso ] like a lover

my [boxer] briefs
[keep] (box-in) my bone, (closest)
[buried where ever
worn close] in time (and being) {very much liked 'time'}

[never left behind ]
the putting on -
[as] familiar as taking off
[as] sensual as stripping -
the top dog(s) (on guard) [guarding]
without (bite) (or) bark(s). [or bite]
[my privates like a faithful underdog]

My best. IC

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