New York Write to Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

Hopeful to see
Who I would be
The future me
But could it be
I was made to believe
The real me
Was the idea of who I should be

When I was young
I saw it in my eyes
For so long
I felt so small in your sight
I lost myself in a lie
And I thought that’s who
I should become
The idea and it followed me
So
Tell me who I should be
Tell me what you see when
You look at me
You made me feel so far behind
In this life
But as time went on I realise
Looking to you
I forgot myself and
I lost everything



Alone in your web I fell
But my eyes are full of life
Looking through you
I saw myself
Past the mask you held
Could it be
The real me
Was who you said I would never be

Smmrtmestos,

I hear you - you're more like rapping - nothing wrong with that, but it's not specifically poetry writing; just as song lyrics aren't always/usually poetry writing.

As rap, slam, spoken word performance, I'm hearing and understanding, and I'm saying Amen - I relate to your communication

^^ Therefore, as that genre, I believe it succeeds.


That close is strong:

"Could it be
The real me
Was who you said I would never be"

^^ Yes, the Lord did not create us to fall in that trap


A man cannot serve 2 masters
If the Son sets you free, then you are free . . .

And so we make our choices
but there is no choice
we listen to their voices
ignoring our own voice     Stevie Nicks(FM) lyric "Sisters[and brothers] of the Moon"

^^ "our own voice" is the heart - that human(e) part that keeps us connected to God - on earth as it is in Heaven

Nicks is a strong sister Christian, and an example of a very original individual life.
No wonder the 1st time I heard her voice, very early in her calling(not career), that I just knew I would be continuing to this day
to listen & revel in her songs - ceaseless creativity - and the miracle plays on and on and on . . . .
"You'll know them by their Light" - "by their actions" - and that's usually strong Creativity -
we're made in the image & likeness our one & only Creator: GOD
Like Our Father
like His children
Actions speak louder than words
Word became flesh - Noël Noël Noël Creativity- Nativity- creativity


Created to be the real me
each a miracle of life
created by God
only miracles are real
and only God can create miracles


Hopefully each day, year, decade of our sojourn through we continue to find our real selves
always evolving in the Light
until the Lord free each from the frame - the miracle lift
(maybe we become a life so strong - then like a butterfly leaves the corpse)
unveiling the eternal masterpeace
revealing completely & absolutely the vision of
the miracle that was in the making has arrived
not DOA
AOA Alive on Arrival
Heaven - the living museum of the miracle
masterpeaces don't hang
they exist in the Home of the Lord


Smmrtmestos,

your writing has prompted an evangelistic response from me

I hope it is of service to the searching this reader-writer is hearing in your writing




me myself Michael (MV)
no me without He

The joy of arriving Home
is to find our fulfilled life

here we hope & not in vain ("All is possible with the Lord all is possible")
for that moment of final launch from the habit
for the absolute miracle exists only in Heaven
("The Lord's kingdom is not of this world")

when the One who left us here
returns for us at last           -- The Youngbloods   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4fWN6VvgKQ

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Thank you very much!

Dear Smmrtmestos,

I've read your poems, but I really don't have much to say about them. They're fine, but don't interest me much. They're not the type of poetry I'm interested in. You may feel the same about mine. I agree with Michael that they are more like slam, performance poems. What often makes those poems is the oral delivery and performance. But they also, the good ones, have the mystery of poetry and the subtle connections of imagery and ideas that draw a listener in to something , the listener feels more than knows.

Thanks,
Billy

Thank you for the advice, I do my best but yes they feel kind of shallow sometimes. Its really hard for me to put feelings into words. I'm only 23 so maybe if I keep getting advice and practice I can become a deeper person and maybe my work can do the same.
I really appreciate the advice! Thanks again

I am working on a new one and I will post it soon, I think it is much more significant.

Rapping, a modern way, not really poetry to some, times change. Can't say it is my cup of tea. Hope you move into other forms. I frequently change my name on here as the password holder often refuses to let me in. But most of my names start with Frank.

Smmrtmestos,

Try writing a poem from memory of an event that was meaningful to you. Think all that was happening and all the objects that were in the room, the people, the emotions, and fill the poem with all these, but in unexpected ways, not tired cliches. Actually, just write it out as it happened with all the images and objects around you that you can remember. Don't try to be poetic. Let the images and event work for themselves. Let your mind flow and try not to attach meaning to it all. The meaning will come of its own. Post it here, then keep reworking it. A really good poet who used to come here a lot, Mojave, used to rework his poems right in his posts. That may or may not be your way, but try it.

Billy

Thanks, that's very helpful and I will try to heed everyone's advice in the next one. Thank you one more time.
Please read a new one I wrote today called Judge, it's deep (in my eyes) but I need all the advice I can get.