A Little Bird at Torpantau

[FranktheFrank]

A Little Bird at Torpantau

'At half past three a single bird
Unto a silent sky
Propounded but a single term
Of cautious melody'

Emily Dickinson, Part Two Nature, III

V2.

The heavy engine chugged away,
its pistons pishing clouds
of steam, reciprocating mists.
The iron boiler puffed
and spewed its vapour into dust.

It hauled its way along the track
that led to Torpantau.
At half past three we stopped for tea;
with buttered scones with sweet
red jam and topped with clotted cream.

A little girl sat with her Nan,
she proffered me a word
that helped my poor English.
My compliment brought back
to me, one long approving look.

[BobBradshaw]

You have created a nice, calm scene. I especially like the first stanza. I like the quote, and the 'cautious melody'. It goes well with the last stanza.

The heavy engine chugged away,
its pistons hissing clouds
of steam, reciprocating mists.
The iron boiler puffed
and spewed its vapour into dust.

[FranktheFrank]

Thanks Bob

I have changed the type of poem to that of metre.

I am hoping to change the metre further as

some lines are not as smooth, in reading, as I would like.

The rhyme is slant and barely there, which suits me.

I suggest you Google Brecon Mountain railway Bob for more detail.

[BobBradshaw]

I would tweak these 2 lines:

with buttered scones with sweet
red jam and topped with clotted cream.

to

with buttered scones
and red jam topped with clotted cream.

Sweet isn't needed...jam by itself is sweet

Best