Lawsuit Against the World Settled In My Favor

[Bernie01]

Revised open and close


The problem is crying too long,
nine year-old girl, earth mover,
shamed on the bus, taunted,
called rhinoceros, rhino.

Like I didn't know my size,
yells, 1,000 ways to say fat.

A sack lunch alone.

Once I start crying can't seem to stop.
In history class, through English
and into gym. My throat sore, the chest
seizing and I felt suffocation in my body,
and dead, cooled with bathroom towels,
no one speaking to me in the lunchroom,
animal sounds walking in the hallway,
contorted faces and dirty hands grabbing,
dirty mocking stares, yells, but I lived.

I work on a sex hotline where I’m invisible,
my voice is neutral, a flexible actress voice,
Catherine Deneuve, Lady Gaga, Whitney.
Want to cherry pick? High school co-ed?
name your drama, I’ll play the roll, say lines.

On 5th Avenue, i think of a middle school
reading assignment, Wingless Bird.

Like me. Proud, plus size in Manhattan,
wingless peacock flying to the heavens.

More beautiful now than I ever hoped to be,
Palm d’Or, girl with bullet proof good looks.

[Kenneth2816]

Great title. Very realistic without being overly emotional.

I suggest an update on the actress list.
Only those of us over 50 know Deneuve.

Last line is killer.

[FranktheFrank]

Gender confusion?

Maybe as an erasure?

The problem is crying too long,
nine years old, fat enough for football,
maybe that works for boys, but not girls.

xx history class,xxxxxxx English
and into gym. xx throat sore, xx chest
seizing xxx x xxxx suffocation xx my body,
xxx dead, cooled xxx bathroom towels,
sent to Coventry at lunch
animal sounds xxxxxxx xx xxx hallways
contorted xxxxx xxx dirty xxxxx grabbing,
mocking xxxxx, yells - I survive.

x xxxx xx x sex hotline xxxxx xxx invisible,
xx voice xx neutral, x xxxxxxxx actress voice,
Lauren Bacall, Catherine Deneuve, Whitney.
xxxx xx cherry pick? High school co-ed?
xxxx xxxx drama, xxxx xxxx xxx role play, xxx xxxxx.
More beautiful now xxxx x xxxx xxxxx xx xx,
Palm d’Or,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx girl with bullet proof good looks.

Sorry if I've gone too far Bernie, I can't do the spacing so used x's
Trying out erasure at the moment.
It might work?

You said to be daring.

[Bernie01]

Ken---

thanks for looking in. holding for now on the movie stars. i trust my reader.


will look at again a bit later.


Frank---

no erasure need apply. LOL.

added several new lines to clarify that a girl/woman is speaking.


thanks for the comment.

[SivaVelliangiri]

B

Yes.Good one.I nominate this poem for IBPC.

S

[BobBradshaw]

I like this poem a lot. The closing is superb:

More beautiful now than I ever hoped to be,
Palm d’Or, girl with bullet proof good looks.

I like the simple language throughout most of the poem. The first stanza is more literary, but it works. There is something about the tenses in these lines that maybe should be looked at...the 'cooled' changing to past

My throat sore, the chest
seizing and I felt suffocation in my body,
and dead, cooled with bathroom towels,

Best, Bob

[Bernie01]

Guys:


fiddling.


closer to my vision...and your, i hope,



bernie

[Gracy321]

Great poem, Bernie. Held me all the way through. Sadly true.

I also think the actresses should be updated, or maybe name some sexy singers.
Like Miley Cyrus, Katty Perry, Lady Gaga... Just sayin'...Not all of them, just one for the younger crowd.

I think you've already been nomed. Great choice.

Best, Gracy

[capricorn]

Yes, I think the actresses could be updated, but this is a brilliant poem Bernie. Written sensitively and not ott. Hoping you accept the nomination.

Eira