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Hema, our English teacher
handles part Two.
She is right out of university.

She handles non detail,
comprehension and precis writing
with a knack and an ease.

Hema lectures in a  gentle tone
reads the stories with a feel,
expands the idioms quoting
anecdotes.

Her gestures are exact.
Nothing too much nor too little.
The modulations are music to the ears.

Not a great beauty in the sense,
she exudes charm. We listen to  her
in rapt attention.

The class, fifteen of us, 
 put our heads together. 
Search  the full week to identify
an exact word to qualify her.

One says great, others spell out
magnificent, treasure and many more.
In our attempt we learn many new words.

The  girl who speaks less,
 puts forth, "poise".
That winds up the hunt.

An unanimous acceptance.

"Poise",  is a little word
with tremendous composure.

M---

this poem develops with smooth narrative control. i was never lost, my interest never fell behind.


it must be that the poet herself has poise, very valuable commodity for a good poem.

bernie

Bernie,

Gently you remark,
subtly you point out,
briefly you say,
"a valuable commodity
for a good poem".

It is not fully done,
is what I infer.
Is it not so?
please let me know.

M---


can't fool you...you see into the corners of my poetic heart...

well, here is a fanciful suggestion to hopefully encourage a re-examination, but not necessarily a change.


One says magnificent,
treasure and more words.
In our attempt to learn
many new values, we say:

The girl who speaks less,
puts forth, "poise".

A small word
with a world of composure.



bernie

Enjoyed, Meena. Followed through to the end with an interest in this teacher.

I do think it needs a bit of tightening up. Some lines seem superfluous, imho.

One says great, others spell out
magnificent, treasure and many more.
In our attempt we learn many new words. <<<<many is used twice in these lines. I suggest you remove one or both. Just sayin'...

There are also some clichès, which are often impossible to avoid. Personally, they don't worry me, but perhaps there are other ways of expressing "exudes charm" and "rapt attention". Overused, I think, generally speaking.

But yours is a highly original poem, same as all your work that I've read.
TorT what I've said, as always.
Best, Gracy

Gracy,

A beautiful commentary. I recall my best teacher. She taught with great skill and patience.
I will check the repetitions and cliches in my revision.

Thanks,
Meena