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The sun has slipped the ecliptic
and ignites yellow banners
on the roof, windows flood
with irreproachable daylight.

I return my son to his mother,
the car grows hot by 9 o'clock.
He sticks his nose out the window
like a dog.

Last night, we did backyard
astronomy, our Schmidt-Cassegrains
pointed at retiring Spica
aloof and lonely as a heavy girl.

Faint cocoa stain on his upper lip,
sensuous and careless in the manner
of his mother. Love’s melancholy
signature like a sailor’s tattoo.

This is tender, intellegent. Left unsaid: the dynamic of a divorce or separation.

Its a great snap shot excellently and beautifully poryrayed.

K---

this seems to communicate to you everything i hoped. the issue of quality, another matter, of course. But first, communication for the learning poet---like me.

bernie

The quality is there, particularly with the astronomic references. You should sens ir out

This is lovely....I could quote every line....the tenderness of this poem is heartbreaking....

Bob---


oh, the heart.

after sorting through everything, the heart looms, just under the surface of everything. my text is fixed and knows its mission, thanks for journeying with the poem.



bernie

  
Bernie,

The title alone speaks greatly of kindredness

^^ plays upon "Home is where the Heart is"

^^ that's Heart not h(earth)

The Heart is not earthbound

"With No Permanent Address" the heart is never stationed here, but roams freely ("If the Son sets you free . . . ")

"Not all those who wander are lost"    -- J. R. R. Tolkien

^^ a line from his poem "All that is gold does not glitter," which brings me to "heart of gold"

^^ and that brings me to a revelation I perceived within the last few years: "The heart od gold is a purple heart" (and at Easter: the gold egg is purple)



These lines:

(5th) "I return my son to his mother"

and close to the finale -

"sensuous and careless in the manner
of his mother."

^^ they recall to me another observation of the heart by Elizabeth Stone (Fordham University)

"Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. "

"We come to the Father by way of the Son"   (referencing John 14:6)

^^ my follow-up observation: "Yet there is no son without the mother - the God-given mother"

^^ referencing also these passages:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?s ... ersion=ESV


Workshop consider melancholic for "melancholy"

. . . Love’s melancholic
nomenclature like a sailor’s tattoo.

^^ Although I like the simile, I find for this particular poem, "nomenclature" isn't at home here; it's too heady for a poem evolving from the heart -

here I find a simpler -

. . . Love’s melancholy
singing like a sailor’s tattoo.

. . Love’s melancholic
singing like a sailor’s tattoo.

^^ "a sailor’s tattoo" - back to the day when a tattoo was a tattoo, and not getting inked - I like how & why your poem surfaces that past

As a reader, I'm assuming the father was a sailor (although not necessarily - perhaps metaphorically similar)


Bernie, your opening - a fine example of T.S. Eliot's "objective correlative" - effective to the poem, esp the opening line:

"The sun has slipped the ecliptic "


And MV must mention:

"He sticks his nose out the window
like a dog."

^^ wonderful - a boy & dog commonality


even if he is "sensuous and careless in the manner / of his mother"




Michael (MV)
 

 



 

 
  
 
 
 

M---

i first looked for Ella's version of Melancholy Baby...but was seduced en-route by Nina Simone...saw her sing this in a small club years ago. love the woman. and couldn't resist the temptation to play this classic song of hers, unrelated, i guess, to melancholy baby---but she sang in the middle of an abusive marriage.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua2k52n_Bvw

and You Don't Know What Loves Is...for those recovering from divorce.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BguiWbW5j3Q


You don't know what love is
Until you've learned the meaning of the blues
Until you've loved a love you've had to lose
You don't know what love is


and Etta James...oh the words, in this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ckv6-yhnIY



melancholic...will give it more thought.

nomenclature. some formal language in this pom...



ecliptic

Schmidt-Cassegrains

Spica

melancholy

nomenclature


i ask much of the reader, and myself.

will ponder your suggestions, your observations.

especially like the t.s. eliot remark, it comes to the more simple minded of us as show, don't tell.

thanks for stopping in.


bernie

The title is magnificent. The rest is a great follow up, sincere, but not at all overly emotional. Strikes the perfect note, keeping a distant yet respectful show of uncomfortable thoughts of past days... all under a gentle mantel of loss and recovery...or not. I, as a reader, am left with a feeling of ambiguity. As I said, the title is powerful, a heart wandering through the mess of reality, unwilling to settle down anywhere, still clinging to memories...they must not fade away. Not ready yet.
Enjoyed a lot, Gracy

Sherry and Gracy---


i could last a year just on your wonderful---and i believe perceptive, comments.


you both notice details, details that mean so much to me and the poem.


i am humbled.



bernie

Nom this for March IBPC