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v2:

Gauguin Arrives


How I envied Paul his train ride
through the countryside,

yellow fields, trees flagged
in vermilion, a citron sky. I recalled

my trip that past winter,
always gazing out

trying to gauge if the south
was like Japan.

To prepare for his arrival
I warmed my rooms

with paintings of sunflowers
--twisting and turning

like children on holiday,
eager to see everything.

We worked first in the fields,
where Paul found my method
of working quickly

reckless. Things worsened
when winter's rains
forced us inside.

We argued, and spoke
to each other less and less.
On edge from alcohol and coffee,

and Gauguin's scolding silences,
my nerves were like waves sensing
an approaching storm,

distraught, full of energy--
my brush strokes words flying
in a heated conversation.


v1:
Gauguin Arrives


How I envied Paul his train ride
through the countryside,

yellow fields, trees flagged
in vermilion, a citron sky. I recalled

my trip that past winter,
always gazing out

trying to gauge if the south
was like Japan yet.

To prepare for Paul's arrival
I warmed my rooms

with paintings of sunflowers
--twisting and turning

like children on holiday,
eager to see everything.

We worked first in the fields,
where Paul found my method
of working quickly

reckless. Things worsened
when winter's rains
forced us inside.

We argued, and spoke
to each other less and less.
On edge from alcohol and coffee,

and Gauguin's scolding silences,
my nerves were like waves sensing
an approaching storm,

distraught, full of energy--
my brush strokes words flying
in a heated conversation.

Bob---



this is just great, works so well on every level. the movement, the color and composition.

a painting:


yellow fields, trees flagged
in vermilion, a citron sky.

the intimate revelations:

and Gauguin's scolding silences,
my nerves were like waves sensing
an approaching storm,


the terrific final lines:

distraught, full of energy--
my brush strokes words flying
in a heated conversation.



great writing.


bernie

Thanks, Bernie - appreciate it

yes thank.

maxbet
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yellow fields, trees flagged
in vermilion, a citron sky. I recalled


we're seeing elements of his paintings here, a foreshadowing, in painterly terms, not your ordinary red, white, blue, and orange.

distraught, full of energy--
my brush strokes words flying
in a heated conversation.

Yes! Vincent all the way - nicely done - RWC

Hi Bob

You have put it up for critique, not just friendly words,
so here goes after a quick glance.

You have a gift for telling the lives of these French painters,
maybe a few chapbooks full, it is your forte.

Some suggestions, use or discard at your discretion:

S2 would the less used word be of use instead of vermilion i.e. cinnabar.

S3 maybe: 'of that winter past.'

S4 omit 'yet'

S5 to prepare for his arrival

S8 parsing if feel the strophe awkward
maybe: Paul found my technique of slash and dash reckless.

Otherwise very good, enjoyed.

best wishes with this.

Thx, Frank....I took you up on a couple changes. Bob

 
Bravo Bob,

re v2:

(Blakean: song of innocence // song of experience)


I'm hearing a variation on the title: "Gauguin Has Arrived"


Formally I see the pre-arrival(the first half of the course) is in couplet, then, with Gauguin in the composition, the poem moves in tercets.

^^ I find that an effective form to function, esp in that the 2nd part becomes a juxtaposition to the euphoria anticipated in the beginning.

And there in the advent, I esp like this run:

"To prepare for his arrival
I warmed my rooms

with paintings of sunflowers
--twisting and turning

like children on holiday,
eager to see everything."

^^ and most esp the simile.


skillful the break & the abrupt white space

"We worked first in the fields,
where Paul found my method
of working quickly

reckless. "

^^ technique in tune (and service) with the drama


re:

"We argued, and spoke
to each other less and less."

workshop consider this arrangement, along w/ a workshop variation for the last:

We argued, and spoke less
and less to each other.
On edge from alcohol and coffee,

and Gauguin's scolding silences,
my nerves were agitated waves
hyper-sensing an approaching storm,

distraught, loaded with energy--
my brush strokes hurled words
in heated disputes.


^^ the "approaching storm" underscores the juxt of what was hoped for w/ the arrival of Gauguin.

^^ "loaded" - a subtle allusion foreshadowing Van Gogh's dying


But then, perhaps the strained rapport between Gauguin & Van Gogh was instrumental in their creativities?


and yet another art history persona for a possible chapbook



Michael (MV)
 

 

 

 

 






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Thanks so much, Michael.....your reading of the poem is what I hoped it would be....Bob