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At the Bridge

Posted: 23 Jan 2018, 23:42
by FrankDire
On the hooter's call
I cycle out of the docklands
payday, weekend free

Meeting, in her red
jumper, unexpectedly,
Susie at the bridge.

Will I babysit
with her this green night, getting
to know each other.

Re: At the Bridge

Posted: 24 Jan 2018, 01:22
by Bernie01
Frank---


very nice.

short and punches well above its own weight.

this was mellow:

Will I babysit
with her this green night, getting
to know each other.



bernie

Re: At the Bridge

Posted: 24 Jan 2018, 01:53
by FrankDire
Thanks Bernie
I wrote a form of this 8 years ago
or so it seems
and Michael wrote a long critique showing me how
haiku was supposed to work.
I have tried to follow his advice.