Beard of Bees

[BobBradshaw]

Beard of Bees


Face veiled,
my new stepdad lifted
the queen bee up,
scooping her and her ladies

into a wire cage
which he hung on me.

Ominously the "beard" grew,
confused, disoriented bees
massing beneath my chin
in a huge hum.

He gave me a thumb's up
as he fumbled
with a tiny camera,
bees kissing my lips.

Shaking uncontrollably,
throwing off bees
like a dog flinging off beads of water--
I flung the cage
and ran

for the house, a long scarf of bees
trailing. The screen door
slammed.

I locked it
with my trembling hand.
Later I pressed my jittery fingers
against the screen mesh--

my new dad placing his palm
tenderly on the other side--
bees clinging to his sleeves.

[FranktheFrank]

Nightmare scenario Bob
Hope you got over your fear.

[Bernie01]

Bob---

remarkable story. burns at both ends with both original conceptualization and detail.

the movement flows and the poem never forgets that it is unfolding a story.

a story that ends with a remarkably tender final image, that stepfather touching the screen door like a doctor sifting the symptoms of a new patient.

wonderful poem.


berrnie

[BobBradshaw]

Bernie, glad you and Frank enjoyed it...wasn’t sure people would

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Bob

much in accord w/ bernie

workshop-wise, this father-young son bonding narrative is in fit shape;
yet editing can be an on-going process - here are some workshop shares:

1/ "the humming beard" as title

2/ "Face veiled" - how about "shielded" for "veiled"

3/ "Ominously" - needed?

4/ "I flung the cage" - "off" not needed

5/ "patiently" for "tenderly"


Would hope to see the Poe poem this complete




Michael (MV)
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Michael....I have a new version of 'Edgar Allan Poe' posted....stripped to its core. Let me know what you think....Bob

[Kenneth2816]

My father kept bees. Why this poem works is the understated emotions and the obvious complexity of the relationship. I too endured these type of "character tests" from an Ill informed adult. Well done from me

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Kenneth....I empathize

[FranktheFrank]

Best wishes with this detailed account (poem) of fear and bees
so well told Bob.