Bride of Frankenstein

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Bride of Frankenstein

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 02 Oct 2018, 08:17

v2:

Bride of Frankenstein



Gently he helped me off the table, my legs
shaking. "Your surgery was a success,"

he assured me. Bandaging
trailed me like a wedding train

as I walked through his lab.
Then that unholy corpse-pale

face leered through the window.
The door jumped off its hinges

as he burst into the room. "Friend",
he muttered, and his thick arms

reached for me. There was such
loneliness in those eyes,

like a beaten dog's. I screamed.
You know the rest, the walls

tumbling down on me and that
arrogant arse, Dr. Frankenstein,

escaping. Does it surprise you
to know I look back with shame

on that night? Had the Monster
hurt me? Or threatened me?

I saw only his hideousness,
not his pining for acceptance.

How desolate a landscape
his heart was, a bleak moor.

Instinctively screams leaped out of me
like flames from a torched tree.

Yet even now, years later
I wonder, would I do the right thing

if he were to reappear,"Friend"
on his lips? Would I extend my hand?

Or like the plant Mimosa pudica
would I close up, cringing

when touched?


v1:
Bride of Frankenstein


How terrified I was, awaking
strapped to a table like a sacrifice

to the gods, lightning flashing
like knives...

The rain stung me, and hailstones
pummeled me like an angry

mob's hurled stones--my screams
smothered by the storm's roar

as I was lowered through the roof.
Dr. Frankenstein gazed at me,

his eyes watering as if his first
child had been born.

Gently he helped me off the table, my legs
shaking. "Your surgery was a success,"

he assured me. Bandaging
trailed me like a wedding train

as I walked through his lab.
Then that unholy corpse-pale

face leered through the window.
The door jumped off its hinges

as he burst into the room. "Friend",
he muttered, and his thick arms

reached for me. There was such
loneliness in those eyes,

like a beaten dog's. I screamed.
You know the rest, the walls

tumbling down on me and that
arrogant arse, Dr. Frankenstein,

escaping. Does it surprise you
to know I look back with shame

on that night? Had the Monster
hurt me? Or threatened me?

I saw only his hideousness,
not his pining for acceptance.

How desolate a landscape
his heart was, a bleak moor.

Instinctively screams leaped out of me
like flames from a torched tree.

Yet even now, years later
I wonder, would I do the right thing

if he were to reappear,"Friend"
on his lips? Would I extend my hand?

Or like the plant Mimosa pudica
would I close up, cringing

when touched?

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 02 Oct 2018, 22:51

Some very good lines Bob. I like that it is not humorous, but instead a well thought persona poem.

The pathos makes the piece, humanizing the monsters.

It's unique, fresh and compelling.
As a child, I recall feeling sorry for them

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#3 Post by Billy » 08 Oct 2018, 02:10

Great poem Bob, with your usual unique descriptions and images. The knives, the hailstones, the wedding train of bandages, the bleak moor, all such great images for this subject.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 08 Oct 2018, 19:07

Thanks, Billy....I look forward to reading more of your poems on this forum

IndianaDP
Posts: 181
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#5 Post by IndianaDP » 09 Oct 2018, 21:41

A well told story. I especially like the development of the brides thinking. The beginning although written well to me seems unnecessary, it only describes the scene we are all familiar with from the movie. I would begin at stanza 7 and focus on the brides thoughts, let the reader imagine the scene themselves.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 10 Oct 2018, 09:07

Thanks for the suggestion, Dale....I'll think about it

RhondaMaltbie
Posts: 4
Joined: 10 Oct 2018, 12:47

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#7 Post by RhondaMaltbie » 10 Oct 2018, 13:47

I think the last 5-6 stanzas of the poem deliver the real meat of the subject. Very strong. The flow of the poem over all is a bit jerky for me. Maybe consider longer lines?
I do like the imagery such as "flames from a torched tree" and others.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Bride of Frankenstein

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 10 Oct 2018, 20:35

I have taken Dale's advice, and shortened the poem by trimming off its top...surgery seemed appropriate...let me know if you think v2 works better...thx

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