Muni

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meenas17
Posts: 520
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Muni

#1 Post by meenas17 » 02 Jan 2019, 07:37

Vivid in memory
Muni pinches me
through the day,
while in Kindergarten.

She has sharp nails,
plunges them into the skin
till my arm turns red.
Excruciating.

My eyes glisten with tears.
Callous, shows
her incisive nails with pride.
Quieter I become.

I do not complain
nor warn her, out of fear.
Mysterious of her. Stops,
pinches no more,

Muni takes to medicine,
injects and dissects with precision
an extension of pinching.
I presume.

A leading surgeon in town-
Muni,- a celebrity. Practises
amidst fanfare and applause.
I admire her in silence.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1046
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Muni

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 02 Jan 2019, 21:12

Oh this is good! One of your best... the unusual Muni character is intriguing... terrific writing

meenas17
Posts: 520
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Muni

#3 Post by meenas17 » 03 Jan 2019, 15:04

Thanks Bob.
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1353
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Muni

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Jan 2019, 20:39

Intriguing
is the word. Nice .

meenas17
Posts: 520
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Muni

#5 Post by meenas17 » 04 Jan 2019, 15:44

Thanks, Frank.
meenas17

capricorn
Posts: 211
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Muni

#6 Post by capricorn » 07 Jan 2019, 01:44

A Fascinating poem, Meena!

Vivid in memory
Muni pinches me
through the day,
while in Kindergarten.

A vivid memory indeed

She has sharp nails,
plunges them into the skin
till my arm turns red.
Excruciating.

My eyes glisten with tears.
Callous, shows
her incisive nails with pride.
Quieter I become.

I do not complain
nor warn her, out of fear.
Mysterious of her. Stops,
pinches no more,

Perhaps -

Mysteriously, she stops,
pinches no more


Muni takes to medicine,
injects and dissects with precision
an extension of pinching.
I presume.

A leading surgeon in town-
Muni,- a celebrity. Practises
amidst fanfare and applause.
I admire her in silence.

Quite an unexpected ending and a very original poem. Meena

Eira

meenas17
Posts: 520
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Muni

#7 Post by meenas17 » 09 Jan 2019, 06:27

Thanks Eira for your edits.
Appreciate your comment.
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1353
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Muni

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 09 Jan 2019, 15:20

Suggested edits

throughout the day s1

into my skin s2

she shows s3

mysteriously she stop pinching,
no more pain. s4

Your writing is growing keep going.
best wishes.

meenas17
Posts: 520
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Muni

#9 Post by meenas17 » 12 Jan 2019, 09:53

Your encouragement sustains.
Thanks for the suggestions.
meenas17

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