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March, 1945 - revised

Posted: 11 Feb 2019, 10:57
by BobBradshaw
March, 1945


Rumors of the Red Army's
approach swirled around us
as we were matched out
of camp by the guards
into the snow, pistols
barking like dogs
at anyone who couldn't
keep up. "The Red Army
is coming," I kept mumbling
between shots,
rags on my feet sticking
to the snow's
ice.

Re: March, 1945

Posted: 11 Feb 2019, 21:34
by BobBradshaw
Tweaked

Re: March, 1945

Posted: 11 Feb 2019, 22:08
by FranktheFrank
Bob, would it be rumour, or would it be news.
It could hardly be rumour when the Germans knew the war was lost.
I think few could have sympathy for the Germans after what they did
to the whole of Europe and especially the murder of so many Russians.
I feel you should close with the man admitting as much.

Re: March, 1945

Posted: 12 Feb 2019, 08:02
by BobBradshaw
To the prisoner without the ability to hear news it would be rumors. The scene should be limited to what a prisoner would have known, very little... his world claustrophobic

Re: March, 1945

Posted: 12 Feb 2019, 17:43
by Kenneth2816
Maybe if you used the word guards, it would be more clear

Re: March, 1945

Posted: 12 Feb 2019, 21:39
by BobBradshaw
Ok, thx