Harbinger
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Harbinger
V3:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a gymnast as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
Yet I have fifteen, maybe twenty
or more years yet. I could exercise
till I'm fit as an otter.
But my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
V2:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a gymnast as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
I have fifteen, maybe twenty
or more years yet. I could exercise
till I'm fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
V1:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a dancer as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
Still I'm implausibly happy.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
Do I have twenty years left?
Fifteen? I should exercise
till I'm as fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a gymnast as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
Yet I have fifteen, maybe twenty
or more years yet. I could exercise
till I'm fit as an otter.
But my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
V2:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a gymnast as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
I have fifteen, maybe twenty
or more years yet. I could exercise
till I'm fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
V1:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a dancer as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
Still I'm implausibly happy.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
Do I have twenty years left?
Fifteen? I should exercise
till I'm as fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Harbinger
Bob
The last line is good,but there are some lines you can do without.I mean the poem can do without.Like those introverted questions that need no answers. It is too colloquial as it is,more like a first draft.Try tightening it,like a taut body.
S
The last line is good,but there are some lines you can do without.I mean the poem can do without.Like those introverted questions that need no answers. It is too colloquial as it is,more like a first draft.Try tightening it,like a taut body.
S
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Harbinger
Good points...thx...I will take some lines out.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Harbinger
Hi Bob,
I can relate to this - I'm aging naturally - a time to be young, a time not to be young - physically that is - and it's alright.
A time to wear reading glasses, and I'm enjoying then - the look, the experience.
Yet I hope it's not an "implausibly happy." I believe only Joy is plausible - the plause without pause harbinger on a binge
workshop illustrated below for your perusal & consideration -- Michael (MV)
I admit I don't have the body
of a gymnast as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
Still I'm implausibly happy.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
I have fifteen, could be twenty
or more years yet. I could exercise
till I'm fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
^^ like in the womb the lull without a bye
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Harbinger
Thx, Michael..,I like the way you have broken up the stanzas... I will steal...’opportune’ myself of your suggestions... best
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Harbinger
BobBradshaw wrote: ↑21 Mar 2019, 20:48V2:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a gymnast as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
I have fifteen, could be twenty
or more years yet. I could exercise
till I'm fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
V1:
Harbinger
I admit I don't have the body
of a dancer as I tiptoe
up the stairs from the kitchen
in the middle of the night.
Still I'm implausibly happy.
I should take better care
of my body, should love it
the way I did my first car,
buffing and polishing it.
Do I have twenty years left?
Fifteen? I should exercise
till I'm as fit as an otter.
Yet my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Harbinger
I prefer the original layout without strophes.
It's perfect otherwise, can relate.
This would be a good time for a nap.
It's perfect otherwise, can relate.
This would be a good time for a nap.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Harbinger
Hi Bob
"fit as an otter" fits in the poem
It's a highlight of the poem
The poem is not as fit without it
:
Michael (MV)
"fit as an otter" fits in the poem
It's a highlight of the poem
The poem is not as fit without it
:
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Harbinger
This poem is so neat.
Re: Harbinger
I can so relate to this, Bob. I like the way you've split it into stanzas and especially the ending
my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
Lovely!
Eira
my body longs only to nap,
to become a stone, settling
in a sun-lit creek, the lullaby
of water enveloping me.
Lovely!
Eira