V2: title change only
John and Fanny
In Rome he refused to read her letters.
Her handwriting was heartbreaking.
As John fumbled through his trunk
Fanny had helped pack,
he found a strand of her hair
and began flinging his clothes
into the air--enveloped
by her scent.
John sighed. What could he do?
He knew his lungs,
twin assassins, were conspiring
to kill him.
Still, for a moment, Fanny
had leaned against him,
their hands like their futures
braided together.
V1:
John Keats and Fanny Brawne, In Love
In Rome he refused to read her letters.
Her handwriting was heartbreaking.
As John fumbled through his trunk
Fanny had helped pack,
he found a strand of her hair
and began flinging his clothes
into the air--enveloped
by her scent.
John sighed. What could he do?
He knew his lungs,
twin assassins, were conspiring
to kill him.
Still, for a moment, Fanny
had leaned against him,
their hands like their futures
braided together.
John and Fanny
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Re: John Keats and Fanny Brawne, In Love
Hi Bob,
Seen the bio-film Bright Star?
"twin assassins" - potent metaphor for the apt precision -
and immediately prompts me to realize twin traitors, too, considering the pair were instruments of respiration
in keeping w/ the baggage image:
John sighed. What could he do?
He knew his breathing bags,
like twin assassins, were conspiring
to kill him.
^^ the image of a boxer comes to mind, too - but then Keats could be a pugilistic boy - hitting straight from his heart
TB:TKO bagged
by the betraying
breathing bags
Also strong in the subtext: the unfaithful lungs as a foil to the faithfulness of John Keats and Fanny Brawne
workshopping the intro as:
In Rome he refused to read her letters -
hand-written and heartbreaking.
Please, there is a stronger title - the current is like a space saver
John & Fanny weren't a sentimental couple(like Mary Shelly keeping the Heart of her husband)
^^ perhaps that's the title - John & Fanny or Fanny & John,
^^ simple & strong, like Bonnie & Clyde
Bob, Thanks for writing this & posting here; it has been a healthy part of my day.
the betrayal of respiration
can't conspire to kill the aspirations
conceived & created with Inspiration Michael (MV)
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: John Keats and Fanny Brawne, In Love
Thanks, Michael....I'm not devoted to the title...If you think "John & Fanny" is better, I will change it. Or if anyone can suggest a livelier title, I would seriously consider it. Bob
Re: John and Fanny
A beautiful poem, Bob. I think John and Fanny is fine for the title. I love the last stanza - you always get the ending so right.
Eira
Eira
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: John and Fanny
Again, this is the genre you excel in. I see nothing to change
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: John and Fanny
Eira, Kenneth -- thank you...