Kite Flying

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1227
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Kite Flying

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 15 Jul 2019, 21:01

Kite Flying


It’s kite flying I enjoy most,
running with you through parks.
You fly ahead as if scouting
the next turn in our path
while I shout your name,
trying to rein you in.

In a sudden sigh you fall,
exasperated by my inability
to keep up--whether it’s jogging
or trying to follow you on flute.

I always lumber behind, while you lift off
it seems effortlessly,
the way my English lit professor
speaks of the way Yeats' poetry reads.

Your heart glides beautifully aloft
like one of Coole’s swans,
and lifts "wheeling in great
broken rings" describing
a piece of music or a flowering pear.

Your heart will never grow old.
I fear one morning I will wake
and you, like one of Yeats’ swans,
will have flown away.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 991
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Kite Flying

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 16 Jul 2019, 13:05

To me this is a good example of "show, don't tell
" we learn a lot about this couple, their dynamic.

N places himself in a subordinate role, never quite measuring up but willing to mollify, to run faster,try harder, and his fear he may lose her is ever present, despite his best effort .

I love " rein you in" as it relates to reeling a kite in the wind, love the surreal feeling of N calling her and she does not or cannot hear, like in a dream.

The Yeats and Coole references are well placed and again, "reeling in great broken rings" like a swirling kite dips, dives and circles.

This is a lot deeper than one gets with a casual read. I don't know if you revise or not, but there are places where tightening would help.

I think the upstairs/downstairs radio blaring does not fit with the balance of the poem.

Overall this is a well done poem and you should definitely send it out. Very impressive.

I half get the impression she is gone.

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Billy
Posts: 901
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Kite Flying

#3 Post by Billy » 16 Jul 2019, 18:35

Good poem. I agree the radio blaring doesn’t fit. Otherwise a memorable, well-written poem, Bob.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1227
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Kite Flying

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 Jul 2019, 20:26

Kenneth, thanks much...I will consider the radio line and how to replace it.

Billy, thanks too

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1227
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Kite Flying

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Jul 2019, 00:42

I have removed the radio stanza...

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