Trees of Winter

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Trees of Winter

#1 Post by Billy » 26 Sep 2019, 01:44

Trees of Winter

A gang or a single tree holed up like
thieves in the cold. Dark silhouettes
against a grey sky. Aliases for their

summer names unspoken until the
thaw. No shirts on their backs. No
green the color of money. The long

retreat into ice that cracks limbs.
The wisdom of outlaws on the run
from the sunless law of survival.

The scarred and broken stand tall.
Nights when sap flows in dreams,
starts a timeless itch in every twig.

BobBradshaw
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Re: Trees of Winter

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 26 Sep 2019, 07:34

I have really enjoyed this one, Billy. Love the imaginative imagery. Terrific work

SivaRamanathan
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Re: Trees of Winter

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 26 Sep 2019, 11:28

I like the title as much as the poem.

Kenneth2816
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Re: Trees of Winter

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 26 Sep 2019, 12:11

Yeah this is a good one

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Billy
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Re: Trees of Winter

#5 Post by Billy » 27 Sep 2019, 22:41

Thanks Bob, Siva, Kenneth

Kenneth2816
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Re: Trees of Winter

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 30 Sep 2019, 15:02

Nominated Billy

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Billy
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Re: Trees of Winter

#7 Post by Billy » 01 Oct 2019, 17:58

Thanks for nomination, Bob, but I’m not participating at this time.

judyt547
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Re: Trees of Winter

#8 Post by judyt547 » 03 Oct 2019, 03:35

Billy, I like the images in this, but the first line reads awkwardly to me--"A mob or a single tree"
seems a confusing way to put it, and Im not sure what you're saying, there. "or' seems the wrong word--
Just a suggestion, if you're talking about several trees, something like "A mob of single trees"
gives a better visual, and as a first line you need to really grab someone with it. I love the next line
about "holed up like thieves in the cold"--That might even make a better beginning, and then bring
in the trees...
It's a solid poem, I think it just needs a tweak at the beginning.

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Billy
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Re: Trees of Winter

#9 Post by Billy » 03 Oct 2019, 04:25

Thanks judy, does the change help or not. In keeping with the metaphor of sorts, it's either a gang or a single tree holed up. That seems pretty clear to me.

judyt547
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Re: Trees of Winter

#10 Post by judyt547 » 18 Oct 2019, 06:46

Instead of "holed up" which to me reads like something "holed up" in a burrow,
how about "bunched up" or "huddled together". Anything to imply that thing we
do when we're cold...
It's the word "holed" that threw me. Ah, Iove this language, lol

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Billy
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Re: Trees of Winter

#11 Post by Billy » 18 Oct 2019, 08:08

Holed up is perfect to me. It is in line with the idea of a gang or criminal holed up somewhere from the law, plus a tree is in kind of a hole, it’s roots in the ground.

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