fugitive

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judyt547
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fugitive

#1 Post by judyt547 » 19 Oct 2019, 05:36

fugitive

wrapped in an old sweater,
sitting on the porch,
she saw him drive by, stop;
watched him watch her
then roll down his window as if to speak
she never moved
he finally rolled up the window
drove away slowly;
feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door behind her
when he drove by later the shades had been pulled
the dog brought inside for the night
there was a new cat on the porch
and he finally understood:
he'd been away too long

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1494
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: fugitive

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Oct 2019, 07:01

Nice one... good title

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1594
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: fugitive

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 19 Oct 2019, 10:55

 
Hi Judy,

Wonderful to see your presence in poetry reappear here at WB


estrangement
and no longer engaged
to each other
in their hearts


"he finally rolled up the window
drove away slowly;"

workshop as:

he finally rolled up the window
and pulled away slowly;


8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1178
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: fugitive

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Oct 2019, 14:07

Simple but very powerful. Nice work

judyt547
Posts: 131
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Re: fugitive

#5 Post by judyt547 » 19 Oct 2019, 17:03

Thanks, MV: I didn't add in any reasons why, I wanted to let the reader
fill in their own blanks. Too much information can sometimes push the reader away,
as a viewer, rather than a participant.

I do like "pulled away slowly" and the amazingly
subtle difference. It seems much more sinister.

fugitive

wrapped in an old sweater,
sitting on the porch,
she saw him drive by, stop;
watched him watch her
open his window as if to speak
she never moved
he finally rolled up the window
and pulled away slowly.

feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door behind her
when he drove by later the shades had been pulled
the dog brought inside for the night
there was a new cat on the porch
and he finally understood:
he'd been away too long


I just realized, too--the title (which I finally added last night) could
apply to either of them. =) And thank you all for reading.

FranktheFrank
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: fugitive

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 20 Oct 2019, 02:31

I read it that he was jail bait
returning to see what goes.
But as you say it's too late.
I suggest a full stop after slowly,
and start new line after a gap of one line.
Feeling colder, she went inside
careful to latch the door
when . . .
Interesting plot.

judyt547
Posts: 131
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
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Re: fugitive

#7 Post by judyt547 » 20 Oct 2019, 03:01

Done and done.

That's why I leave it wide open to interpretation (evil grin there)--we all get to put in
our own sinister thoughts.
I read it as the old boyfriend coming back after too long away
after the row to end all rows-- and she threw him out--or he walked--
now he's back to try to make up. Only she's not havin' any,
and has moved on.
Tomorrow, I'll see it differently.

SivaRamanathan
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: fugitive

#8 Post by SivaRamanathan » 20 Oct 2019, 13:52

Nicely written, Judy, but you don't need me to tell you that.

S

judyt547
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Re: fugitive

#9 Post by judyt547 » 20 Oct 2019, 16:11

Thanks Siva. No, I don't, but it's always nice to hear, anyway. :)

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: fugitive

#10 Post by Billy » 22 Oct 2019, 00:32

All the right details in a short poem. I like it. Others have addressed any nits.

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