V2
V2
Paperfall
1
The speed of the falling paper
cascades in an arc.
The Japanese girl is
in the act of shredding A4 paper
the same colour as
her fluffy dress.
11
Lady! Looking so intense
steadfast with scissors
white cataract,
that flows in a fall
on the ground a thin trickle
the eyes the path has chosen.
Who is the performer
what is her rendition?
I look at the asylum,
the closed blue windows.
‘Shredding’ is a penitence
it is a process that calms the mind.
iii
I look at the stone mansion
residential hospice, grey architecture..
There is a step ladder—
wooden and idyllic.
Is she in her right senses
serene and insane?
Any repeated action ought to
soothe the tumult within.
Her long flowing dress
colourless as her paper
What if it extends
to the crest
and she falls head down
across the ridge of the balcony?
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V1
1
The speed of the falling paper
cascades in an arc.
The Japanese girl is
shredding A4 paper
the same colour as
her fluffy dress.
11
Lady! Looking so intense
steadfast with scissors
white cataract,
that flows in a fall
on the ground a thin trickle
the path it has chosen.
Who is the painter
what his art?
I look at the house and the paint
what brings her out?
‘Shredding’ is painted so well,
it is self-contained.
iii
I look at the stone mansion
the pale blue windows.
There is a step ladder—
wooden and idyllic.
Is she in her right senses
serene and insane?
I remember this painting.
forget Sachico Abe, the artist.
Paperfall
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Re: Paperfall
This is lovely, with its imagery and restraint. The quiet dignity captures the artist's work. I like it very much. I wanted a stronger closing stanza, but otherwise no criticisms, just enjoyment.
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Paperfall
B
Let me see if I can do something to the closing stanza.
S
Let me see if I can do something to the closing stanza.
S
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Paperfall
I hope you don't mind. Seeing your lovely poem, and following up on Sachico's Cut Paper, I have written something as well on this subject....maybe down the road I'll post it, if it's okay with you. Bob
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Paperfall
Bob
Absolutely thrilled that you wrote on the same theme. Sometimes I do not know if certain words are coined by poets and they cling to their copyright as their birthright,and it is at times like these I get reprimanded openly in forums. Actually seeing and reading your lines made me post this.
The snow outside my window
like shredded love letters—
S
Absolutely thrilled that you wrote on the same theme. Sometimes I do not know if certain words are coined by poets and they cling to their copyright as their birthright,and it is at times like these I get reprimanded openly in forums. Actually seeing and reading your lines made me post this.
The snow outside my window
like shredded love letters—
S
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Paperfall
Oh that's great...so happy those 2 lines were useful to you....best
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Paperfall
Bob
I wrote those lines in November.
Siva
I wrote those lines in November.
Siva