For Your Love

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

For Your Love

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 May 2020, 05:57

For Your Love

From the stroller you lift
your arms toward me

as if you’re merely stretching
after a long nap,

but when Grandma appears
you giggle! My jealousy

leapfrogs over reason
as she takes you

into her arms
as if you were a bouquet

of long stemmed
peonies.

Oh my little one, how
can I steal your love

from Grandma?
When she burrows her head

into your belly
you squeal with delight

but when I do the same?
You are as poker faced

as a tortoise.
Ashlyn, don’t I love you

more than anyone, even more
than Elvis or Keats?

What I wouldn’t give—
my stocks, my red sports car,

my season tickets to the Giants—
to be loved like Grandma,

to have you light up
like a firefly
in love

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: For Your Love

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 17 May 2020, 21:18

The poem works well. Do you need the last line?

S

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: For Your Love

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 May 2020, 02:03

It’s a good question, Siva. Now that you raise it, I’m not sure.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: For Your Love

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 May 2020, 17:38

I will google and see if fireflies light up,only in love.Is it to attract the opposite sex? I have seen porcupines shoot up their quills,like peacocks their feathers.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: For Your Love

#5 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 May 2020, 17:54

I will google and see if fireflies light up,only in love.Is it to attract the opposite sex? I have seen porcupines shoot up their quills,like peacocks their feathers.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: For Your Love

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 May 2020, 21:17

It's to signal to attract the bachelors. Do fireflies experience anything like love? Who knows?

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: For Your Love

#7 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 May 2020, 22:49

So which firefly lights up,the male or female? If it is to signal the bachelors then it must be the female.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: For Your Love

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 23 May 2020, 01:10

I think both do.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: For Your Love

#9 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 May 2020, 02:57

 
Interesting, Bob,

a paternal pining for the affection of his daughter

I believe the narrator maybe doesn't understand that there is a grandmother-grandchild love and there is a parent-child love.

Each rapport is unique equal with different expression. It's like men aren't invited & attend bridal & baby showers.

The granddaughter is going to respond to grandmother in expressions reserved for grandmother; and to the father, with expressions just for daddy.


last line not needed - the firefly finale is fine & fitting

and gives me lyrical cause to link & share to this buried treasure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8tmdrQ7Ri8


Thanks, Bob, I do like the brave expression of this broem,

8)

Michael (MV)

 

 

 
 
 
 
 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: For Your Love

#10 Post by BobBradshaw » 30 May 2020, 01:38

Thx, Michael... enjoyed the link

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: For Your Love

#11 Post by Michael (MV) » 21 Jun 2020, 18:55

Highlighting this broem
to honor Bob

this Father's Day.
How wonder -

(serendipitous:
poetic coincidence) -

if the IBPC results
were announced on this Sunday

and Bob's father & child poem
appeared on the winner's list.

Bob, without thinking about it,
sunrise inspired me to make this move and compose this prose-poem:

Our Father's instrumental
through me to celebrate the occasion

(Michael's keeping this Sabbath
sacred as only he is able,
born to be just brother-son
never to sire)

Bob, Thank you sharing
your creativity & constructive workshop.

Thank you, too, for bringing IBPC honors
home to the Writer's Block.

Sincerely in the spirit of creativity,
8) Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: For Your Love

#12 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Jun 2020, 00:13

Thanks, Michael. You’re very generous and always have been. Mucho gracias

Post Reply