Revision
The dolls come down from the attic
the young ones jump all over,
the adults descend in style
while the older stagger.
They look colourful
Krishna shimmers in blue
while Lakshmi graces in green
Meenakshi flanks both in red.
The garden set with huge trees
and flowers add to the glow
while the soldiers clad
in uniform stand erect.
The shopkeepers with big tummies
head shining bald, sell with a flair
people throng with baskets in hand
the queue lines up in length.
A representation to animals
ranks in prominence
cows graze over the meadow
horses enact a parade
elephants walk royal.
The nine steps, symbolic of Navaratri
stand tall with dolls arranged
evolving a pictorial extravaganza,
The dolls from the attic
come down in order,
the young ones jump all over,
the adults descend in style
while the older stagger.
They look colourful
red, yellow, green and blue,
Krishna shimmers in blue
while Lakshmi graces in green
Meenakshi flanks both in red.
The garden set with huge trees
and flowers add to the glow
while the soldiers clad
in uniform stand erect.
The shopkeepers with big tummies
head shining bald, sell with a flair
people throng with baskets in hand
the queue lines up in length.
A representation to animals
ranks in prominence
cows graze over the meadow
horses enact a parade
elephants walk royal.
The nine steps, symbolic of Navaratri
stand tall with dolls arranged
evolving a pictorial extravaganza,
Navaratri
Re: Navaratri
I like this, the mysterious start. I eliminated some stuff that was telly.
The dolls from the attic
come down in order,
the young ones jump all over,
the adults descend in style
while the old stagger.
Krishna shimmers in blue.
Lakshmi graces in green.
Meenakshi flanks both in red.
The garden set with huge trees.
Flowers add to the glow,
while the soldiers clad
in uniform stand erect.
The shopkeepers with big tummies
shining bald heads, sell with a flair;
people throng with baskets in hand.
The queue lines up in length.
A representation to animals
ranks in prominence:
cows graze over the meadow
horses enact a parade
elephants walk royal.
The nine steps, symbolic of Navaratri
stand tall with dolls arranged
evolving a pictorial extravaganza.
The dolls from the attic
come down in order,
the young ones jump all over,
the adults descend in style
while the old stagger.
Krishna shimmers in blue.
Lakshmi graces in green.
Meenakshi flanks both in red.
The garden set with huge trees.
Flowers add to the glow,
while the soldiers clad
in uniform stand erect.
The shopkeepers with big tummies
shining bald heads, sell with a flair;
people throng with baskets in hand.
The queue lines up in length.
A representation to animals
ranks in prominence:
cows graze over the meadow
horses enact a parade
elephants walk royal.
The nine steps, symbolic of Navaratri
stand tall with dolls arranged
evolving a pictorial extravaganza.
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BobBradshaw
- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Navaratri
I like Billy's revision. A good poem. Welcome back, Meenas.
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Michael (MV)
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Navaratri
Yes, Welcome back, Meenas!
I like this span of life(and I've included my workshop of that stanza):
The dolls come down from the attic:
the young ones jump all over,
the adults descend in style,
while the old stagger.
^^ jump -> descend in style -> stagger
This reader is reminded of the The Nutcracker ballet
Michael (MV)
I like this span of life(and I've included my workshop of that stanza):
The dolls come down from the attic:
the young ones jump all over,
the adults descend in style,
while the old stagger.
^^ jump -> descend in style -> stagger
This reader is reminded of the The Nutcracker ballet
Michael (MV)
Re: Navaratri
Michael,
You have made the poem sharp,
Yours ia pointer to the span of life.
I will incorporate in the revision.
You have made the poem sharp,
Yours ia pointer to the span of life.
I will incorporate in the revision.
meenas17