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Return of the fox revised

Posted: 19 Oct 2020, 01:08
by Billy
revision

Return of the Fox

I haven't seen him, but he's there.
Crows caw at every turning leaf.
A smell of apples rotting.

White clouds like shadows
folding in and out of themselves.
It was not his intent to impart

any trace of foreboding.
He left home with no ill-will,
hopes to return before snowfall.


Return of the Fox

I haven't seen him, but he's there.
Crows caw at every turning leaf.
A smell of apples rotting.

White clouds spread across the sky
like coagulated blood.
It was not his intent to impart

any trace of foreboding.
He left home with no ill-will,
hopes to return before snowfall.

Re: Return of the fox

Posted: 19 Oct 2020, 18:10
by Kenneth2816
Ike personification of the fox. Reads to me as if N wishes to be the fox, escape for a bit. Nice feel, Billy.

Re: Return of the fox

Posted: 19 Oct 2020, 18:40
by meenas17
White clouds spread across the sky
like coagulated blood.

this is poetry, Billy.

Re: Return of the fox

Posted: 20 Oct 2020, 02:47
by Michael (MV)
 
the prodigal fox

foxy with the metaphor; and clever move to camouflage the fox after the title, so that it isn't seen in the text


8)

Michael (MV)
 
 
 

Re: Return of the fox

Posted: 20 Oct 2020, 19:30
by Billy
Thanks Ken, Meenas, Michael

Re: Return of the fox

Posted: 20 Oct 2020, 23:39
by BobBradshaw
Good, quiet poem, but the “white clouds” spread like congealed blood doesn’t work for me.

Re: Return of the fox

Posted: 21 Oct 2020, 00:20
by Billy
Thanks Bob, doesn’t work for me either.

Re: Return of the fox revised

Posted: 27 Oct 2020, 04:08
by Billy
I changed it Bob

Re: Return of the fox revised

Posted: 27 Oct 2020, 05:32
by BobBradshaw
It’s better

Re: Return of the fox revised

Posted: 29 Oct 2020, 10:26
by Michael (MV)
Yes, better,

for the change in clouds

😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw wrote:
27 Oct 2020, 05:32
It’s better

Re: Return of the fox revised

Posted: 30 Oct 2020, 20:53
by meenas17
Whatever it be to others, it is a good poem for me.