Nature of Man

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
meenas17
Posts: 741
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Nature of Man

#1 Post by meenas17 » 24 Oct 2020, 19:29

Revision


The sun and its radiance
being infectious, catches
the mood, It is happiness
that clings so firm. The
moment creates a flutter.

Enthusiasm is writ large
on the face, eyes unfold
like a bud and enlarge wide,
the lips broaden with grin
smothered by joy as fresh
as morning dew.

Tempestuous it turns
an expression of urgency
grief descends unwarranted.
eyes well with tears, mouth
twists and trembles,
sorrow overpowers.

Seemingly a semblance
of nature where sun and rain
out beat one another,
an hour long storm
and a momentous lull,
extremities attain dominance.

Nature and man are one
the primary controls the secondary,
in spite of man posting
a disguise and proposing a distance
the basic surfaces now and then
to substantiate the evidence.
with an emphasis





It is that of a mood
one of happiness.
for a moment
strikes me through.

Writ large on the face
eyes smile wide
the lips broaden with a grin
all too much visible.

The very next hour
I stand a witness to one
much of a difference
expressed so pronounced

being that of a sad stricken
face, eyes welling with tears
the mouth twists and furls
sorrow overwhelms.

Could these be related
to Nature's vagaries
one of sun and rain,
storm and lull?

I deem so, man
is a produce of nature
being close to his mother
but posing a distance,

preferring a pretentiousness
which he preserves knowingly
deceiving himself in the milieu
unknowingly.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1725
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Nature of Man

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 26 Oct 2020, 04:56

I like “Navarati” because of its imagery. Consider some imagery for this poem as well.

meenas17
Posts: 741
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Nature of Man

#3 Post by meenas17 » 26 Oct 2020, 18:43

Bob,
I understand. It has to be enriched
Thanks
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 741
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Nature of Man

#4 Post by meenas17 » 26 Oct 2020, 19:26

I have revised. Do not know how far it reaches the reader?
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1725
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Nature of Man

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Oct 2020, 08:10

Improved but it’s “Navaratri” that stands out. I plan to nominate it. If you want to tweak it between now and then, this is a heads up...

meenas17
Posts: 741
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Nature of Man

#6 Post by meenas17 » 27 Oct 2020, 12:24

Thanks, Bob.
So kind of you.
meenas17

Post Reply