String of Flowers

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meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

String of Flowers

#1 Post by meenas17 » 28 Oct 2020, 20:51

The flowers in the garden
expressing colours and variance
spreading fragrance and beauty
fascinate.

Those that go to make a garland
of roses, bright red in hue
the other of Jasmine, pure white
sensitize the beholder.

The deities stand resplendent
with flowery adornments
Weddings include a space where
bouquets stand out proud.

Garlands symbolize and synchronize
illustrating the unification. offered
to guests of honour, being one
of pride and celebration

Romance begins with a flower,
decorations exhibit flowery trails,
flowers being never partisan
make way to respect the departed.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1719
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: String of Flowers

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 29 Oct 2020, 22:11

I like the tone of this poem, and the flow. It would be stronger if it relied more on imagery and less on telling, though. As an exercise, try using just imagery to convey the same scene and emotions. William Carlos Williams often uses images alone, as in "Flowers by the Sea".


Flowers by the Sea
By William Carlos Williams

When over the flowery, sharp pasture’s
edge, unseen, the salt ocean

lifts its form—chicory and daisies
tied, released, seem hardly flowers alone

but color and the movement—or the shape
perhaps—of restlessness, whereas

the sea is circled and sways
peacefully upon its plantlike stem

meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: String of Flowers

#3 Post by meenas17 » 30 Oct 2020, 20:20

I will try, Bob.
Do not how far I will succeed.
Anyhow, thanks for commenting.
meenas17

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Billy
Posts: 1037
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: String of Flowers

#4 Post by Billy » 31 Oct 2020, 07:16

I like the line: "flowers being never partisan:

I think Bob has given you something to think about. I, too, don't use enough imagery. I'm working at it.

meenas17
Posts: 740
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: String of Flowers

#5 Post by meenas17 » 01 Nov 2020, 20:14

Imagery, I have to try, Billy,
meenas17

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