Frozen Pipes

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Frozen Pipes

#1 Post by Billy » 22 Jan 2021, 21:21

Frozen Pipes

He’s a young rowdy, half my age,
married to a 5 foot 2 inch dent
in my character.

He likes me,
might offer me his wife
if I ask.

He needs my help to thaw out
the pipes. My job is to wait
in the bathroom

while he crawls under the house
to heat them with a propane torch.
I’m to yell when the water comes.

On the bathroom floor, the crotch
of a pair of blue nylon panties,
the kind that cover just enough

and not enough, stare at me
with big wanton eyes,
tell me they smell like her,

beg me to hold them in one hand
close to my face, to reach for myself
with the other.

My young friend beneath the floor
5/8’s inch plywood
between his head and my feet

metal clinking, clunking
as the ice begins to push
through the pipes;

and me, pounding
at that dent,
yelling, “It’s coming!

It’s coming! It’s coming!”
as the water gushes over
the porcelain bowl.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Frozen Pipes

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Jan 2021, 23:11

Wow, what a poem! Stunning how the images come together in that gusher of a close.

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Frozen Pipes

#3 Post by Billy » 23 Jan 2021, 20:31

Thanks Bob, I wrote this many years ago. I think it’s good but when I’ve posted it before I mostly got no response or negative response. Could be the subject matter.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Frozen Pipes

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 23 Jan 2021, 22:10

Probably. But it doesn't reflect poorly on the poem, only on the editors.

Kenneth2816
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Frozen Pipes

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 24 Jan 2021, 20:45

It's clever and we'll written. Topic is a bit of a stretch though.

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Billy
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Re: Frozen Pipes

#6 Post by Billy » 24 Jan 2021, 21:55

Kenneth not sure what you mean by a stretch.

Kenneth2816
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Re: Frozen Pipes

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 Jan 2021, 06:20

The premise. Creeping over the panties of a friend's wife.Simulated masturbation.Or maybe not simulated I'm not opposed to it on moral grounds. But it's a bit like writing for shock value only.

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Billy
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Re: Frozen Pipes

#8 Post by Billy » 25 Jan 2021, 19:37

Yes,I wrote a very good poem for shock value. That’s the usual response. I’m glad you clarified.

Kenneth2816
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Frozen Pipes

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 26 Jan 2021, 06:13

And I'm glad you decided it's a very good poem.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Frozen Pipes

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 26 Jan 2021, 08:32

For the sake of discussion, I don't think shock value is art anymore than the little boy farts in church to get laughs.

You commented about the response previously. The decision on what makes a poem is left to the reader.

This one is a dud.

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