Not Anymore

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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Not Anymore

#1 Post by meenas17 » 17 Feb 2021, 19:38

The growing anger
hooks me . Seething
at the atrocities, those of
who wield their power.

and at the ones who
show off their wealth.
practise inequality,
nurture racism,

blast at whoever
comes in front of me.
unmindful of their stature
and status.

Let things go as destined,
the placidity, I derived
from the mountains
which stand aloft.

sustaining, harsh winds,
heavy rains, never once
allowing any such
to hamper her magnificence.

As the carbonate ddrink
pops out with a noise
when uncorked.
I shout, scream,

till my voice is lost.
Even after, I tremble
with anger cursing
the inhuman behaves.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Not Anymore

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 18 Feb 2021, 04:51

Hell yes.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Not Anymore

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Feb 2021, 07:57

The poem’s biggest appeal? Its strong emotions. S1 & S2 move me. A suggestion: reverse “those of” to “of those”.

Take out S3... it isn’t needed after those opening stanzas...

I like the mountain image. Try to say these lines more succinctly...

never once
allowing any such
to hamper her magnificence.

The last line “the inhuman behaves” feels odd. No one would say those 3 words in that way.

I’m encouraged by your use of imagery. Keep it up!

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Not Anymore

#4 Post by meenas17 » 18 Feb 2021, 21:22

Thanks, Ken.
Bob,
the inhuman behaves really sounds odd
i will change,
meenas17

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