On The Banks Of Ganges

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

On The Banks Of Ganges

#1 Post by meenas17 » 28 Feb 2021, 20:12

River Ganges flows
in silence, in its
journey meets
cross sections
of people.

Quietly provides
solace, to the guilty,
to the cruel, to those
who feel for the misdoings.

A dip in the holy waters
purifies one,
destroys the sins
papanasam.

Good find beatitude,
bad receive blessings,
an impartial phenomenon
experienced nowhere.

On its banks lies
Varanasi, the ancient city
where Hindus seeks
atonement,

The holy place is right
on the Trishool
Trident of Lord shiva.
Hindus wish to die here

as it breaks the cycle of rebirth
one attains salvation. One of Brahma's
five head torn by Shiva,
gets dropped from Shiva's hold
at this place and disappears.

The city known as Kasi
attains glory at this phase
transforms to a holy site.
sacred to the Hindus.

Mark Twain puts it, {Benares
another name for Varanasi}
"Benares is older than history,
older than tradition, older even than legend,
and looks twice as old as all of them put together."[
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: On The Banks Of Ganges

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 28 Feb 2021, 21:41

Good poem. A pretty nice flow to your narrative as well. My one nit...I'm not sure how Shiva clearly fits in with the rest of the poem.

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: On The Banks Of Ganges

#3 Post by meenas17 » 01 Mar 2021, 20:04

The holiness of Varanasi increases while the slain head of brahma held by Shiva for long drops down in this city.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: On The Banks Of Ganges

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 01 Mar 2021, 22:06

Thx for the explanation. Because of my ignorance, it throws confusion into an otherwise nice flow. Even knowing it, I don't think it is crucial to the poem. Maybe leave it in according to your audience? Anyway, I don't want to focus on this point, since my emphasis should be on how nice a poem this is.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: On The Banks Of Ganges

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 02 Mar 2021, 09:41

Meenas, your poem has been nominated. If you want it to go forward, please post it asap in Writer's Block Palaver Upcoming March

Post Reply