Ode to Legs

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Ode to Legs

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 03 Mar 2021, 22:36

v3:
Ode to Legs

Today I hold my legs up,
as they hold me and my pants up,
exemplifying team work.

Without thanks or wages they carry me
wherever I want, whenever I want.
They never question my judgment

--why I should want to stand
outside my ex girlfriend's window
at 3 a.m., for example.

They're as loyal as peninsulas
to their continent. And unlike feet
they're never underfoot.

Instead they're hearty fellows,
rarely if ever missing a day of work.
They never wander off alone

like horses that have thrown
their riders. Even in the most
embarrassing of moments,

they've never given a thought
to "walking away", even with my pants
around my ankles--and a husband

striding into the room. No,
they're as reliable as firemen,
a husband another kind of fire

to flee from. Like best friends we share
so many memories. Years from now
we'll still be recalling them together,

like the night they stroked my fiancee's legs
for the first time, like violinists
warming up.



V2:
Ode to Legs


Without thanks or wages they carry me
wherever I want, whenever I want.
They never question my judgment

--why I should want to stand
outside my ex girlfriend's window
at 3 a.m., for example.

They're as loyal as peninsulas
to their continent. And unlike feet
they're never underfoot.

Instead they're hearty fellows,
rarely if ever missing a day of work.
They never wander off alone

like horses that have thrown
their riders. Even in the most
embarrassing of moments,

they've never given a thought
to "walking away", even with my pants
around my ankles--and a husband

striding into the room. No,
they're as reliable as firemen,
a husband another kind of fire

to flee from. Like best friends we share
so many memories. Years from now
we'll still be recalling them together,

like the night they stroked my fiancee's legs
for the first time, like violinists
warming up.

V1:
Ode to Legs


Today I hold my legs up,
as they hold me and my pants up,
as examples of the salt of the earth.

Without thanks or wages they carry me
wherever I want, whenever I want.
They never question my judgment

--why I should want to stand
outside my ex girlfriend's window
at 3 a.m., for example.

They're as loyal as peninsulas
to their continent. And unlike feet
they're never underfoot.

Instead they're hearty fellows,
rarely if ever missing a day of work.
They never wander off alone

like horses that have thrown
their riders. Even in the most
embarrassing of moments,

they've never given a thought
to "walking away", even with my pants
around my ankles--and a husband

striding into the room. No,
they're as reliable as firemen,
a husband another kind of fire

to flee from. Like best friends we share
so many memories. Years from now
we'll still be recalling them together,

like the night they stroked my fiancee's legs
for the first time, like violinists
warming up.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Ode to Legs

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 07 Mar 2021, 18:46

Hi Bob,

a collection of anatomical odes
an anatomical anthology 🙂

Although the stanzas are tercets, and because "as examples of the salt of the earth" is rather familiar & not needed, I'm workshop-suggesting the opening as:

Today I hold my legs up,
as they hold me and my pants up.

^^ The subject, a pair of legs : the opening, a pair of lines : form, the rhymed couplet, echoing the topic, the pair of legs. And because the location is at the top, functioning as header it doesn't disturb the body of tercets.

^^ This now leads me to suggest that the closing be a couplet: the poem landing on its 2 feet, standing on its 2 legs. I see that lineage very plausible with the image-making going on in the finale.

And, if & when there ever might be an ode to shoulders, might format in 2 stanzas:

a left stanza - - - - - - - - - - right stanza

Bob, is there a concrete (shaped:visual) poem in your portfolio?


😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ode to Legs

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Mar 2021, 22:46

Thanks, Michael. I like your suggestion about the first stanza. i'll change it

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ode to Legs

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 08 Mar 2021, 03:20

I have removed the 1st stanza.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ode to Legs

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 10 Mar 2021, 22:38

Tweaked

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Ode to Legs

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 11 Mar 2021, 11:42

Hi Bob,

I was suggesting an edit of the 1st stanza, not an elimination.

Your original lines,

"Today I hold my legs up,
as they hold me and my pants up,"

if not the opening, they seem to be at home somewhere in the poem.


😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ode to Legs

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Mar 2021, 22:09

You're right, Michael. I will either put them back or work them in somewhere. Thanks for pointing them out.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ode to Legs

#8 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Mar 2021, 22:12

Michael, I have put those 2 lines back and added a line.

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