what was said before the storm (revision)
clouds course
like thunder sounds
as sudden as a heart attack
darkness appears
windows are sweating
from fear
we don't know what to say
that's useful
there are no gamblers here
all skirts
are ready for anything
waiting must be what
limbo is like
for those unsure of the gravity
of their wanderings
like a lightning flash
a stranger can walk in
and know us
confused by midday darkness
candles stagger
and rise in our eyes
a circle is drawn unknowingly
by ancestors in the room
telling us that peace
is behind darkness
a torrent attacks the roof
above our minds
what was said before the storm
clouds course like thunder sounds
darkness appears like the villain in a western
windows are sweating from fear
we don't know what to say that's useful
there are no gamblers here
all skirts are ready for anything
waiting must be what limbo is like
for those unsure of the gravity
of their wanderings
like a lightning flash
a stranger could walk in and know us
candles in the aisles
prepare like canaries
entering a mine shaft their light
security against the dark
about to overwhelm us
a circle is drawn unknowingly
by ancestors in the room
telling us that peace is behind darkness
a torrent on the roof above our minds
what was said before the storm
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Kenneth2816
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: what was said before the storm
Though there are some good lines, overall this reads as contrived and a tad overly dependent on stale metaphor like the reference to canary in a mine shaft and the bad guy in a western movie.