As a child I was taught to pray
on knees at bed time
through folded hands,
head bowed at the table,
but always with eyes closed
and I still wonder what it is
God doesn't want us to see.
Now I Lay Me
-
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Now I Lay Me
Hi Kenneth,
For your perusal & consideration, these minor modifications, below, which, as I read it, might further nuance this short & dark, terse poem you have written,
and appeals to me like a Willian Blake song of experience.
Re the title: I never realized how it reads without the "down to sleep," which has then prompted me to workshop-suggest bookending the poem with the last 3 words of that familiar from childhood.
Michael (MV)
head bowed at the table,
and always with eyes closed.
And always I still wonder what it is
God doesn't want us to see
down to sleep.
For your perusal & consideration, these minor modifications, below, which, as I read it, might further nuance this short & dark, terse poem you have written,
and appeals to me like a Willian Blake song of experience.
Re the title: I never realized how it reads without the "down to sleep," which has then prompted me to workshop-suggest bookending the poem with the last 3 words of that familiar from childhood.
Michael (MV)
head bowed at the table,
and always with eyes closed.
And always I still wonder what it is
God doesn't want us to see
down to sleep.
Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑24 Apr 2021, 22:29As a child I was taught to pray
on knees at bed time
through folded hands,
head bowed at the table,
but always with eyes closed
and I still wonder what it is
God doesn't want us to see.
Re: Now I Lay Me
This took me back to childhood, Ken, when my grandmother used to say this prayer with me at bedtime. Your poem has given a new slant to saying any prayer - with eyes shut. Always good to read you.
Eira
Eira
Is 'but' needed in L5?Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑24 Apr 2021, 22:29As a child I was taught to pray
on knees at bed time
through folded hands,
head bowed at the table,
but always with eyes closed
and I still wonder what it is
God doesn't want us to see.