Pursed Lips

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Pursed Lips

#1 Post by Billy » 26 May 2021, 20:46

Pursed Lips

Nasal cannula in her nostrils
Tubing trailing down to the floor
To a portable oxygenator beside
Her stool. She’s pulling the arm
Of the one-armed bandit
At the Rosebud Reservation

Casino as fast as she can drop
Tokens and pull with her atrophied,
anorexic arms, pursing her lips
To breathe. These days no cigarette
To calm her, she pops a Xanax,
Takes a couple puffs of an inhaler,

Counts the tokens like the months
Or days left, a jackpot any second.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Pursed Lips

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 May 2021, 07:31

Terrific character you’ve created here. Funny in a bleak way. Strong writing

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Pursed Lips

#3 Post by Billy » 28 May 2021, 07:55

I was hoping the poem was about love of life in the throes of end-of-life COPD.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Pursed Lips

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 May 2021, 22:03

Too real. You can go into any casino in the country and find two dozen old ladies with oxygen bottles and a plastic tub full of tokens.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Pursed Lips

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 29 May 2021, 13:52

What I meant Billy is the caricature is so accurate, it eclipses any other intent. Maybe if you took her out the casino...

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Pursed Lips

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 May 2021, 16:06

Yes, the love of life comes across strongly.
It is true to life, and poetry reflects life.
One can see the specialised vocabulary of a health-care worker in this poem.
I especially like the close
She's an addict right, a gambling addict
and addicted to life.
She wants to grab every ounce of life left to her.
Don't we all.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Pursed Lips

#7 Post by Michael (MV) » 30 May 2021, 08:28

Hi Billy,

Thought you might like to know, that's about how I read it. A love-lust for life forever.

At times, when people are dying, they become more alive than ever - a sudden boost, reinvigoration..

That's why some artists, namely Mozart and John Keats, and Emily Bronte, during, not the end of their life, for there is not an end of life, for life is forever, but during the finale of their run here, they produced masterpieces -

likewise with Christ and His miracles. .

I believe this dynamic to be a symbolic testimony that we die, but are never dead - there is the dying that is the freeing from death.


By the way, the title is an apt & strong image - "pursed lips" breathing - a technique kinda like a self-resusitation strategy.


😎

Michael (MV)


Billy wrote:
28 May 2021, 07:55
I was hoping the poem was about love of life in the throes of end-of-life COPD.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Pursed Lips

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Jun 2021, 01:48

Billy,

a workshop look with not the first word of each line capitalized - instead a natural capitalizing - that's less stylized, more natural & fitting to the poem happening here. Also, minor edits. -- Michael (MV)


Nasal cannula in her nostrils,
tubing trailing down to a portable
oxygenator beside her stool.
She’s pulling the arm
of the one-armed bandit
at the Rosebud Reservation

Casino as fast as she can drop
tokens and pull with her atrophied,
anorexic arms, pursing her lips
to breathe. These days no cigarette
to calm her, she pops a Xanax,
takes a couple puffs of an inhaler,

counts the tokens like the months
or days left, a jackpot any second.

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Pursed Lips

#9 Post by Billy » 01 Jun 2021, 04:36

Thanks Michael,that was by accident, my iPhone capitalized each new line and just left it. I’ll change it.

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