Young Man
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Young Man
Young Man
For the first time someone called me
"Young man…." I was having blood drawn
and maybe it was my silver hair falling
like slender grass over my forehead,
or my scalp thin as any worn rug
where shoes familiarly pass.
Or maybe it was my hands, spotted
like a trout, but I didn’t know how
to respond. Didn’t I feel like I had
at 20? Of course I had learned
the diplomacy of aging: e.g., not to stare
at a young woman, to avoid the whispered
that "dirty old man!"….The same stare
that would have been welcomed
at 19 in a coffee house, hard rock
blaring like fanfare as I entered the room.
As he swabbed my arm, squeezing it
for a good vein, he again uttered
"Young man," as if sensing
the importance of courtesy
to the old. Was he being sarcastic?
"Well, young man", he said, wrapping up,
as if I were a child in a pediatrician’s
office, and he was offering a lollipop
for good behavior. I wanted to throw
a tantrum but held back, showing
a maturity I had mastered
in my youth. I didn't spin around
wagging my tongue but maintained
my dignity. I simply eased out the door,
tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone.
For the first time someone called me
"Young man…." I was having blood drawn
and maybe it was my silver hair falling
like slender grass over my forehead,
or my scalp thin as any worn rug
where shoes familiarly pass.
Or maybe it was my hands, spotted
like a trout, but I didn’t know how
to respond. Didn’t I feel like I had
at 20? Of course I had learned
the diplomacy of aging: e.g., not to stare
at a young woman, to avoid the whispered
that "dirty old man!"….The same stare
that would have been welcomed
at 19 in a coffee house, hard rock
blaring like fanfare as I entered the room.
As he swabbed my arm, squeezing it
for a good vein, he again uttered
"Young man," as if sensing
the importance of courtesy
to the old. Was he being sarcastic?
"Well, young man", he said, wrapping up,
as if I were a child in a pediatrician’s
office, and he was offering a lollipop
for good behavior. I wanted to throw
a tantrum but held back, showing
a maturity I had mastered
in my youth. I didn't spin around
wagging my tongue but maintained
my dignity. I simply eased out the door,
tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone.
Re: Young Man
as if I were a child in a pediatrician’s
office, and he was offering a lollipop
fantastic, Bob,
and the lines
wagging my tongue but maintained
my dignity. I simply eased out the door,
tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone.
I am able to visualize. The lines are powerful.
office, and he was offering a lollipop
fantastic, Bob,
and the lines
wagging my tongue but maintained
my dignity. I simply eased out the door,
tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone.
I am able to visualize. The lines are powerful.
meenas17
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Young Man
Thank you, Meenas, for your generous remarks.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Young Man
Hi Bob,
Workshop-share -
1/
For the first time in ages someone called me
"Young man…." I was having blood drawn
2/
or my scalp thin as any rug worn
where shoes familiarly pass.
Your figures are precise & interesting - I especially like the spots & trouts - as I acquire more - and hopefully not many more or too soon - I will refer to them as my "trout spots"
Now your finale -
"tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone."
is quite apt & deft, a young person scenario,
performed by the senior in 1st person & written by the seasoned poet.
I enjoyed your poem, young man
Michael (MV)
Workshop-share -
1/
For the first time in ages someone called me
"Young man…." I was having blood drawn
2/
or my scalp thin as any rug worn
where shoes familiarly pass.
Your figures are precise & interesting - I especially like the spots & trouts - as I acquire more - and hopefully not many more or too soon - I will refer to them as my "trout spots"
Now your finale -
"tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone."
is quite apt & deft, a young person scenario,
performed by the senior in 1st person & written by the seasoned poet.
I enjoyed your poem, young man
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Young Man
It is very good Bob
something we are used to from you.
1. I thought maybe:
An orderly drawing blood, addressing me as
'Young Man'
It really shone a spotlight on the vicissitudes of old age. But we're not really old, we are young at heart.
Well done.
something we are used to from you.
1. I thought maybe:
An orderly drawing blood, addressing me as
'Young Man'
It really shone a spotlight on the vicissitudes of old age. But we're not really old, we are young at heart.
Well done.
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Young Man
Thanks, Frank....appreciate the sweet remarks
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Young Man
I am an old young man. Relatable
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Young Man
I refer to myself as the youngest senior citizen
die a young senior
and leave a body
that's not yet too wrinkled
Michael, a young senior
die a young senior
and leave a body
that's not yet too wrinkled
Michael, a young senior