Young Man

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1920
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Young Man

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Jun 2021, 04:22

Young Man


For the first time someone called me
"Young man…." I was having blood drawn

and maybe it was my silver hair falling
like slender grass over my forehead,

or my scalp thin as any worn rug
where shoes familiarly pass.

Or maybe it was my hands, spotted
like a trout, but I didn’t know how

to respond. Didn’t I feel like I had
at 20? Of course I had learned

the diplomacy of aging: e.g., not to stare
at a young woman, to avoid the whispered

that "dirty old man!"….The same stare
that would have been welcomed

at 19 in a coffee house, hard rock
blaring like fanfare as I entered the room.

As he swabbed my arm, squeezing it
for a good vein, he again uttered

"Young man," as if sensing
the importance of courtesy

to the old. Was he being sarcastic?
"Well, young man", he said, wrapping up,

as if I were a child in a pediatrician’s
office, and he was offering a lollipop

for good behavior. I wanted to throw
a tantrum but held back, showing

a maturity I had mastered
in my youth. I didn't spin around

wagging my tongue but maintained
my dignity. I simply eased out the door,

tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone.

meenas17
Posts: 818
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Young Man

#2 Post by meenas17 » 13 Jun 2021, 17:28

as if I were a child in a pediatrician’s
office, and he was offering a lollipop
fantastic, Bob,

and the lines
wagging my tongue but maintained
my dignity. I simply eased out the door,

tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone.
I am able to visualize. The lines are powerful.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1920
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Young Man

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 13 Jun 2021, 19:40

Thank you, Meenas, for your generous remarks.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1854
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Young Man

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 14 Jun 2021, 02:37

Hi Bob,

Workshop-share -

1/
For the first time in ages someone called me
"Young man…." I was having blood drawn

2/
or my scalp thin as any rug worn
where shoes familiarly pass.


Your figures are precise & interesting - I especially like the spots & trouts - as I acquire more - and hopefully not many more or too soon - I will refer to them as my "trout spots" 🙂


Now your finale -

"tripping over my shoestring
that had come undone."

is quite apt & deft, a young person scenario,
performed by the senior in 1st person & written by the seasoned poet.


I enjoyed your poem, young man

😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1920
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Young Man

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Jun 2021, 22:11

Thanks, Michael....

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1561
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Young Man

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Jun 2021, 02:57

It is very good Bob
something we are used to from you.

1. I thought maybe:
An orderly drawing blood, addressing me as
'Young Man'
It really shone a spotlight on the vicissitudes of old age. But we're not really old, we are young at heart.

Well done.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1920
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Young Man

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 15 Jun 2021, 19:50

Thanks, Frank....appreciate the sweet remarks

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1386
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Young Man

#8 Post by Kenneth2816 » 16 Jun 2021, 18:17

I am an old young man. Relatable

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1854
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Young Man

#9 Post by Michael (MV) » 16 Jun 2021, 23:53

I refer to myself as the youngest senior citizen


die a young senior
and leave a body
that's not yet too wrinkled


😎

Michael, a young senior

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