Non on Bike
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Non on Bike
Non at the Bridge
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Nona at the Bridge
Reads like a pantoum, or variation of a pantoum.
The form here is in service to the anticipation of waiting.
Michael (MV)
The form here is in service to the anticipation of waiting.
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Nona at the Bridge
In college, we had half a semester on forms. In practicality, none of them Interest me as a writer.
Poetry is complicated enough without the stricture.
Poetry is complicated enough without the stricture.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Nona at the Bridge
1/ 3rd from last line:
should "agin" be again?
2/ 3rd stanza:
"weir" twice - find a different word for one.
^^ Might even consider
"Foam from the weir sprays onto her hair."
as
Foam and sunlight spray about her locks
✍
Michael (MV)
should "agin" be again?
2/ 3rd stanza:
"weir" twice - find a different word for one.
^^ Might even consider
"Foam from the weir sprays onto her hair."
as
Foam and sunlight spray about her locks
✍
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Nona at the Bridge
Thanks Michael
I appreciate these tips on things we miss so easily.
Agin is vernacular for again.
I will use thus:
The wind whipping water up from the weir.
Proud, standing tall in red-knitted cardigan.
Frothing white foam sprays onto her hair.
Non' stands sedate, top button undone.
I appreciate these tips on things we miss so easily.
Agin is vernacular for again.
I will use thus:
The wind whipping water up from the weir.
Proud, standing tall in red-knitted cardigan.
Frothing white foam sprays onto her hair.
Non' stands sedate, top button undone.
Re: Nona at the Bridge
Well, I like this. It's very sensuous and there's a palpable physical longing.
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Non at Bridge or Cycling Across Bridge
FranktheFrank wrote: ↑08 Oct 2021, 17:46Non at Bridge
Alternative title:
Cycling Across Bridge
by Ieuan ap Hywel
Pantoum
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Non at Bridge or Cycling Across Bridge
Either title works. It’s such a good, sweet piece. Lovely to read again.