Swiftly Now (revised)
And all things appear before me,
remembered or not. The many fallen
leaves, their veins and dried bodies
the color of fire like the blaze of life
itself. To warm ourselves a bit
longer as the cold numbs this world.
We believe it’s an emptiness lasting
a moment, and the darkness will
be overcome by light, nothing hidden.
Swiftly Now
And all things appear before me,
remembered or not. The many fallen
leaves, their veins and bodies
the color of fire like the blaze of life
itself. To warm ourselves a bit longer
as the cold begins to settle in our
bones. We know it will only last
a moment, and the darkness will
be overcome by light, nothing hidden.
Swiftly Now
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Re: Swiftly Now
Nice poem, reflective in a universal way. Only issue I have is "cold begins to settle into our bones" which I find is cliche.
Reads as if it about the approach of winter, even if allegorically.
Reads as if it about the approach of winter, even if allegorically.
Re: Swiftly Now
Thanks Ken
I knew it was cliche but it was late. Will probably revisit it or abandon.
I knew it was cliche but it was late. Will probably revisit it or abandon.
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Re: Swiftly Now
Nicely handled, especially the understatement. I liked the fall colors, which are so overused but which you brought a new "life" to.
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Re: Swiftly Now
Hi Billy,
Please don't lose "emptiness" - here's a workshop suggestion on the original:
. . . To warm ourselves a bit
longer with the leaving of the heat.
We believe it’s an emptiness lasting
a moment,
"The crucial triad" - as poet & editor C. E. Chaffin coined it - exists here:
1/ Title - aptly named
2/ The Opening - creatively echoes "my life passed before me"
3/ the "nothing hidden" makes the Finale
Arriving here is not the angel of death, but the angel of dying rescuing life from death. Not DOA; instead AOA - Alive on Arrival!
Just last week I wrote the phrase "angel-swift" in a draft. Perhaps I will post it in December, since I have posted a few this month.
Billy, this is one also on my IBPC radar
Michael (MV)
Please don't lose "emptiness" - here's a workshop suggestion on the original:
. . . To warm ourselves a bit
longer with the leaving of the heat.
We believe it’s an emptiness lasting
a moment,
"The crucial triad" - as poet & editor C. E. Chaffin coined it - exists here:
1/ Title - aptly named
2/ The Opening - creatively echoes "my life passed before me"
3/ the "nothing hidden" makes the Finale
Arriving here is not the angel of death, but the angel of dying rescuing life from death. Not DOA; instead AOA - Alive on Arrival!
Just last week I wrote the phrase "angel-swift" in a draft. Perhaps I will post it in December, since I have posted a few this month.
Billy, this is one also on my IBPC radar
Michael (MV)
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- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Swiftly Now
This work of Billy is relevant as to the time of year.
I've just come from a walk in the woods and the colours are magical.
I relate to the veins of the fallen leaves
as the veins on our old hands
that stick out and point to the path
we must follow.
I've just come from a walk in the woods and the colours are magical.
I relate to the veins of the fallen leaves
as the veins on our old hands
that stick out and point to the path
we must follow.