Just Walking

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Just Walking

#1 Post by Billy » 16 Dec 2021, 08:58

Just Walkingrevised #1

Arms free, holding nothing.
Legs dutiful, an easy stride.
The best walk is going nowhere,
everything to see.

A tree I hadn't noticed before
taking the shape of a woman
dancing. The wind lifts her skirt
of leaves. Light is her song.

In the tall, dry grass
movement like the wake of a boat
crossing a golden lake at sunset—
stirrings of the unseen spirit.

Returning by the same route,
I walk in the shadow of reality,
discover the scene turned, as in
a mirror, revealing its other side.



Just Walking

Arms free, holding nothing.
Legs dutiful, an easy stride.
The best walk is going nowhere.
And everything to see.

A tree I hadn't noticed before,
taking the shape of a woman
dancing. The wind lifts her skirt
of leaves. Light is her song.

What's hiding in the tall grass?
Maybe the answer to all questions.
Maybe the many unknown lives
living as I live, a lonely creature

walking by.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Just Walking

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Dec 2021, 09:08

A nice poem. I liked s1 and s2 better than s3, which has a change of tone that feels a bit heavy handed.

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Just Walking

#3 Post by Billy » 20 Dec 2021, 21:50

You’re right Bob
I’ll be back to revise.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Just Walking

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 31 Dec 2021, 04:25

This is much better. I like it.

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Just Walking

#5 Post by Billy » 31 Dec 2021, 05:48

I’m still not satisfied but thanks for encouraging me in a direction.

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