The Devil In Me

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

The Devil In Me

#1 Post by meenas17 » 08 Jan 2022, 16:55

A little patience, heart commands
a pause instructs my mind.
I pay no attention,
it is now and at once
commence with a bang,

Turning at times hysterical
like a mad dog,
I wag my tongue
harsh and rude
like a hungry tiger.

Blood shot eyes,
expressive of indignation
enhance my seething
temper and I appear
more or less like a devil.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Devil In Me

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 08 Jan 2022, 21:57

I like the brevity of this. I love S2. If it were my choice, I would go with just S2. I’ve never read a Tiger reference like this one.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: The Devil In Me

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 08 Jan 2022, 23:35

I think we all have it, but control it or try to.
Good to see you posting, Meena.

A little patience, my heart commands [I like the contrast, the heart says patience, the id doesn't listen]
a pause, instructs my mind.
I pay no attention,
it is now and at once
commence with a bang, [instead of commence, a refined word, how about blow off] or blow-up? I blow up with a bang.

Turning at times hysterical [maybe: turning hysterical at times]
like a mad dog,
I wag my tongue [maybe: my tongue lashes out]
harsh and rude
like a hungry tiger.

Blood shot eyes,
expressive of indignation
enhance my seething
temper and I appear
more or less like a devil.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Devil In Me

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 Jan 2022, 00:59

Good suggestions, Frank

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Devil In Me

#5 Post by meenas17 » 09 Jan 2022, 17:05

Thanks, bob and frank,
meenas17

Post Reply