Back Stage

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SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Back Stage

#1 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 24 Jan 2022, 09:00

V1
Edited Version

Back Stage

For a child dropped in Sabhas
going backstage was the other part of life.

What seemed heavy was light
as card board, gold was foiled paper
the Raja Ranis wore silk or velvet.

In Kerala, backstage was grandiose.
I sat on the compound wall of Ammuma's house
the masked Gods diminished to mere men.
The story continued from midnight to dawn.

They said TSK had pebbles under his tongue
when he was Auvaiyar.

As a kid I watched Shivaji Ganesan saunter
in his 'Enga Mama' car
as I brushed my teeth
with Colgate tooth powder at the gate.

At work, his makeup man might dust pink on his skin.
The face albeit, he would give none.
Who could name the nerve that twitched
or the eye-brow that arched in surprise,
but he himself?


Siva Ramanathan


























For a child, dropped in Sabhas
and picked up thereof
going backstage was a part of life.

What seemed heavy was light
as card board, gold was foiled paper
the Raja Ranis wore silk or velvet.

All this in some Sabha in Pondicherry.

I sat on the compound wall of Ammuma's house
The masked Gods diminished to mere men.
The story continued from midnight to dawn
In Kerala, backstage was grandiose.

Shivaji Ganesan, sauntered in his 'Enga Mama' car
as a kid I watched him drive past as I brushed my teeth
with Colgate tooth powder at the gate.

At work, his makeup man would dust pink on his skin.
The face, albeit, he would give none.
Who could name the nerve that twitched
or the eye-brow that arched in surprise,
but he himself?

T.K.S is supposed to have carried pebbles
underneath his tongue,speaking like old woman Auvaiyar.

https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10 ... _tn__=EH-R

January Prompt
An Ekphratic Prompt
An actor prepares. From literal to metaphorical, as poets, how do we write preparing for something both professional and personal at the same time ?

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Back Stage

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 24 Jan 2022, 23:31

I like the pageantry and the musings of a curious child. Though unfamiliar with the characters or the names of the various deities, it has a universal appeal. Nicely done. Bright, engaging.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Back Stage

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 Jan 2022, 01:10

What Ken said so well.....I love these lines

What seemed heavy was light
as card board, gold was foiled paper
the Raja Ranis wore silk or velvet.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Back Stage

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Jan 2022, 23:09

behind the mask
through the eyes of a child


My most favorite line was:

"The masked Gods diminished to mere men."


😎

Michael (MV)

SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Re: Back Stage

#5 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 31 Jan 2022, 20:14

Thanks Michael.

I am wondering if it should be the other way around.

S

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Back Stage

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 01 Feb 2022, 06:25

I've nominated this

SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Re: Back Stage

#7 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 03 Feb 2022, 13:31

Thank you, Kenneth.

S

SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Re: Back Stage

#8 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 03 Feb 2022, 13:39

Should Michael decide to send this, then I will submit as Siva Ramanathan ,my User Name.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Back Stage

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 03 Feb 2022, 21:47

Siva, go ahead and post on the WB page. Michael should not have to wait.

SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Re: Back Stage

#10 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 03 Feb 2022, 23:14

Thank you,Bob.I have posted 'Back Stage' in the thread.

Siva

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Back Stage

#11 Post by Billy » 05 Feb 2022, 07:21

This is a deceptively good poem, Siva. I think you may have a winner. Good luck.

SivakamiVelliangiri
Posts: 40
Joined: 23 Jan 2022, 15:37

Re: Back Stage

#12 Post by SivakamiVelliangiri » 05 Feb 2022, 12:38

Thank you, Billy. This is the prompt I gave. My group. It is an ekpharistic poem.
https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10 ... _tn__=EH-R

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Back Stage

#13 Post by FranktheFrank » 17 Feb 2022, 20:32

Siva, this is a good poem
personal and professional.

I think you could tweak it a little to improve
the reception for a wider audience.

Suggestions:

For a child dropped in Sabhas

[dropped in Sabhas - we guess this is a meeting place - the rest of the poem suggests a play - dropped in is a puzzle. Could you redo to explain maybe a child's first Sabhas, or seeing my first Sabhas -for a child Sabhas was entrance to another world.

going backstage was the other part of life.

What seemed heavy was light [maybe what appeared heavy was paper weight]
as card board, gold was foiled paper [gold represented by foiled paper or foiled paper represented real gold]
the[/code][/code] Raja Ranis wore silk or velvet. [Raja Ranis wore silken gowns or an Indian word for apparel]]

In Kerala, backstage was grandiose.
[Not sure you need Kerala, backstage would be just as grand in any other town.]

I sat on the compound wall of Ammuma's house [I sat on the compound wall to watch at Ammuma's, my grandmother's, house.]

the masked Gods diminished to mere men.
[backstage the masked gods diminish to mere men.]
The story [play or drama]continued from midnight to dawn.

They said TSK had pebbles under his tongue
when he was Auvaiyar.

[if it is Krishnamurti, best to say so or whatever his name is rather than a vague initials. Familiar to you, but strange to non -Indians]

As a kid I watched Shivaji Ganesan saunter
[You have established that you were a child earlier, go straight in and say: I watched . . .']
in his 'Enga Mama' car
as I brushed my teeth
with Colgate tooth powder at the gate.
[Do we endorse patented products? your choice.]

At work, his makeup man might dust pink on his skin.

[change 'might' to 'would'. Pink what? powder, paste?]

The face albeit, he would give none. [this line is a complete puzzle to me]

Who could name the nerve that twitched

[Maybe who could say when the nerve would twitch,
it had meaning when he did it, or the eye brow that arched
in mock surprise, but he himself.]

or the eye-brow that arched in surprise,
but he himself?

Just some suggestions Siva from a foreigner's perspective.
I echo the best wishes for this.

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