Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

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Billy
Posts: 1205
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#1 Post by Billy » 24 Apr 2022, 00:35

Sometimes There's Nothing Else To Do (revision)

Dusk, sitting in the bedroom looking into our
master bath, I am transfixed by the view
through the small, west window.
Bare branches of a dying crab apple tree,
black, tentacled by hundreds of water sprouts.
Two large branches form a cross framed
in the window. Behind, darkening sky,
gauze of clouds glows with day's remaining
light surrounded by a tumor of black clouds
encroaching slowly, silently. As I sit, numbed
by news of the war, tentacles suck life
from the tree. Deep cavities in its trunk
like the craters left by bombs.


Sometimes There's Nothing Else To Do (revision)

Dusk,
sitting in the bedroom
looking into our
master bath,
I am transfixed
by the view
through the small,
west window.
Bare branches
of a dying
crab apple tree,
black,
tentacled
by hundreds
of water sprouts.
Two branches
form a cross
framed in the window.
Behind, darkening sky,
gauze of clouds
glows with the day's
remaining light
surrounded by
a tumor of black clouds
encroaching slowly,
silently.
As I sit, numbed
by news
of the war,
tentacles
suck life
from the tree.
Deep cavities
in its trunk
like the craters
left by bombs.
I'll have to chop it down
with the edge
of my hand.*




* a line from a Jimi Hendrix song

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2185
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 24 Apr 2022, 00:57

Yes, this is much better. It works fine.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1536
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 Apr 2022, 15:06

Yes. We who write are obliged to chronicle.
I like the overall feel; the security of N home vs the atrocities in the news..

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2185
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 28 Apr 2022, 20:00

Really like this imagery:

gauze of clouds
glows with the day's
remaining light
surrounded by
a tumor of black clouds
encroaching slowly,

capricorn
Posts: 361
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#5 Post by capricorn » 04 May 2022, 02:13

I commented on this when it was Bergman. Yes, the ending is very much better. I do prefer the original formatting in stanzas (but that's just me)
Like Bob I love your imagery here

gauze of clouds
glows with the day's
remaining light
surrounded by
a tumor of black clouds
encroaching slowly,

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1683
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#6 Post by FranktheFrank » 25 May 2022, 00:56

Your second version is an improvement, more compactness
makes easier to read, to assimilate.
It's one of those days when we have little to do but sit
and nature imposes its presence, and yet the looming
disaster far away broods in our mind. The cancer
of those clouds is an apt metaphor.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2185
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Sometimes There’s Nothing Else To Do

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 May 2022, 02:33

Well done. No criticisms. Your work has paid off.

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