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Revision 3

Hi Dad,

I hope you've settled in at your new place,
the welcome mat unrolled by friendly folk.
I miss our teatime chats, your fond embrace
and even your barrage of knock-knock jokes.

Come closer - lift my loneliness awhile,
for Mam got worse and had to move today.
The Willows Nursing Home is just a mile
from here - but feels so very far away.

You say I mustn’t fret that there’s no cure
for Mam’s meandering. It’s tough to bear
but staff are all supportive and assure
she will be safe and happy in their care.

Our conversation murmurs in my head –
it is exactly what we would have said.

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Revision 2
Hi Dad,

I hope you've settled in at your new place
and feel quite well. I'm sure familiar folk
unrolled the welcome mat. I miss your face,
our cosy chats and shoulder-shaking jokes.

Your presence lifts my mood and helps me smile,
for Mam got worse and had to move today
to Willows Nursing Home. Though just a mile
from here - bewilderingly far away.

I know I mustn’t fret, for she’ll receive
excellent care; we knew there was no cure
for her meandering. I do believe
their vigilance will help keep her secure.

Our conversation murmurs in my head -
it is exactly what we would have said.

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An old poem revisited. I have included the original as I am really not sure the changes I have made are for the better????

Hi Dad...

I hope you've settled in at your new place
and feel quite well. I'm sure familiar folk
rolled out their welcome mat. I miss your face,
our lengthy chats and shoulder shaking jokes.

Your presence lifts my mood from bittersweet,
for Mam got worse and had to move today
to Willows Nursing Home. Although just streets
away, my mind’s askew, emotions frayed.

I know I mustn’t fret, for she’ll receive
excellent care; we knew there was no cure
for her meandering. I do believe
their vigilance will help keep her secure.

Our conversation murmurs in my head,
it is exactly what we would have said.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Original version

Hi Dad ...

I hope you've settled in at your new place
and feel at ease. I'm sure familiar folk
rolled out their welcome mat. I miss your face.
It's great to natter, chuckling at a joke.

Your humour boosts my mood tonight as I've
some news of Mum, for she's been rushed away
to Willows Nursing Home, five minutes' drive
from here. Now I am plunged into dismay.

I know I mustn’t fret, for she’ll receive
optimum care, we knew there was no cure
for her meandering. I do believe
they're capable of keeping her secure.

Our conversation buzzes through my head;
it is exactly what we would have said.

Hi Eira, I like the calm tone of this. My only nit...

my mind’s askew, emotions frayed.

You don't need both descriptions and frayed emotions is common. I like "mind's askew".

Sweet poem. Never seen a letter poem, but I like ot

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

05 May 2022, 02:25

Hi Eira, I like the calm tone of this. My only nit...

my mind’s askew, emotions frayed.

You don't need both descriptions and frayed emotions is common. I like "mind's askew".

Thanks Bob,

I did wonder about that line. I quite like mind's askew (although I have used it before in another poem)
I've revised again and decided to use a more conversational slant. Hope it works.

Eira

Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑

05 May 2022, 20:38

Sweet poem. Never seen a letter poem, but I like ot

Thanks Ken, It's not really a letter, but an imagined conversation with a deceased Dad. Glad you liked it.
Eira

Lovely. I love the tenderness and warmth in that closing line.

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

06 May 2022, 05:58

Lovely. I love the tenderness and warmth in that closing line.

Thanks Bob, but I couldn't resist another revision.

Eira

The revision is better. Good to have you back. You are an excellent addition to our small forum.